How to Talk About Men
And still be Politically Correct

In these days we have to be politically correct, which is to say that we can no longer call a spade a spade. Instead it is a manually operated earth moving device. Although men are not politically correct, it is still necessary to use poltically correct language in discussing their little foibles. Here is a handy phrase book that will let you talk about men and still be politically correct.

• He is not a bad dancer; he is Overly Caucasian.
• He is not a cradle robber; he prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.
• He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has Swine Empathy.
• He is not a redneck; he is a Genetically-Related American.
• He is not a sex machine; he is Romantically Automated.
• He is not afraid of commitment; he is Monogamously Challenged.
• He is not balding; he is in Follicle Regression.
• He is not quiet; he is a Conversational Minimalist.
• He is not short — he is Anatomically Compact.
• He is not stupid; he suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.
• He is not unsophisticated; he is Socially Malformed.
• He does not act like a total ass; he develops a Case Of Rectal-Cranial Inversion.
• He does not constantly talk about cars; he has a Vehicular Addiction.
• He does not eat like a pig; he suffers from Reverse Bulimia.
• He does not fart and belch; he is Gastronomically Expressive.
• He does not get falling-down drunk; he becomes Accidentally Horizontal.
• He does not get lost all the time; he discovers Alternative Destinations.
• He does not have a fabulous rear end; he has achieved Gluteal Perfection.
• He does not have a beer gut; he develops a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.
• He does not have a rich daddy; he is a Recipient Of Parental Asset Infusion.
• He does not have a hot body; he is Physically Combustible.
• He does not hog the blankets; he is Thermally Unappreciative.
• His jeans are not too tight; he is Anatomically Undercirculated.
• You do not buy him a drink; you initiate an Alcohol-For-Conversation Exchange.
• You do not kiss him; you become Facially Conjoined.
• You do not undress him with your eyes; you have an Introspective Pornographic Moment.