Signs you might be experiencing menopause

1. Hot Flashes:
You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

2. Night Sweats:
The person you sleep with complains about snow piling up on the bed.

3. Mood Swings:
Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.

4. Memory Loss:
You write post-it notes with your kid’s names on them.

5. Irritability:
Your husband chirps, “Hi honey, I’m home,” and your reply is, “Well, if it isn’t Ozzie Nelson.”

6. Sleeplessness:
The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven’s Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.

7. Fatigue:
You find Guacamole in your hair after a Mexican dinner.

8. Mild Incontinence:
You change your underwear after every sneeze.

9. Sudden Weight Gain:
You need the ‘Jaws Of Life’ to help you out of your car after returning home from an Italian restaurant.

10. Dryness:
You ask Jiffy Lube to put you up on a hoist.

11. Female Hormone Deficiency:
You take a sudden interest in “Wrestlemania”.

12. Hormone Therapy: You’re on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales