|GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS
|Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
|NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS
|Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people mad just thinking about it.
|FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS
|Divides your hard drive into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
|PAUL REVERE VIRUS
|This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack—once by LAN. Twice if by C:.
|POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS
|Never calls itself a “virus”, but instead refers to itself as an “electronic microorganism”.
|RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS
|Won’t allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
|ROSS PEROT VIRUS
|Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.
|MARIO CUOMO VIRUS
|It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
|OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS
|Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
|Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
|THE MCI VIRUS
|Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T; virus.
|TED TURNER VIRUS
|Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
|ARNOLD SCHWARZENNEGGER VIRUS
|Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.
|DAN QUAYLE VIRUS
|Prevents you system from spawning and child processes without joining into a binary network.
|Sixy percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
This page was last updated December 26, 1997.