Stupid People Tricks Redux
Sidney Reuben Smith decided to open a bank account using a false
identity. He noticed the obituary of one Jerry Cain and cleverly
acquired a copy of Cain’s birth certificate and social security
number. He went to a branch of the BB&T; in Winston-Salem, North
Carolina and tried to open an account.
Bad move. The teller was Melinda Cain, widow of the recently deceased
Jerry Cain. She had no trouble recognizing the false identification
and called the police. Smith held out for an hour, claiming to be
Jerry Cain, despite Melinda’s affirmation that he was not her husband
and that her husband was indeed dead.
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.
The message “He’s lying” was placed in the copier, and police pressed the
copy button each time they thought the suspect was telling a lie. Believing
the “lie detector” was working, the suspect confessed.
WATCH WHERE YOU’RE DRIVING
It all happened when a party goer this
Halloween backed over a smudge pot marking a hole in the pavement,
stopped to talk to a friend who was also leaving the party. The
smudge pot flame caused his gas tank to explode, setting the car and a
telephone pole nearby on fire. The pole burned down, canceling power,
phones & cable TV to homes for a mile down to the end of the road, and
subsequently fell over, taking out a mailbox & crashing through the
roof of another car. The fire department arrived a half hour later to
a smoldering tangle of metal. The driver escaped with singed hair &
slight clothing damage.
(Oct. 31, 1998 DeKalb County, Ga.)
A dimwit in Metairie, La. decided to buy a picnic table on sale at
the local Home Depot store, and discovered it would not fit into the
back of his Honda pickup. He tied it to the bumper with a rope and
decided to drag it some 2 miles to his house. Upon arriving at home,
he discovered one lone piece of wood, still attached to the rope.
Moments later, a police car arrived and he was presented with a ticket
The score: Picnic table- $35.00 and The Ticket-
Reported in the Times-Picayune 11/98.
THE CAMERA WORKED
Ben Ritson writes:
I thought that this would interest you – a true story of Australian
stupidity. Most of the other chefs that I work with are into fixing up
their cars and hooning them about. One of the young kitchen hands was on
his way home one night when he passed a speed camera. A big flash
illuminated the dash. He looked at the dash and saw he was going under
the speed limit. He made a decision to drive back and test the machinery
again. Yet again a flash went off as he drove by. By this stage he was
really getting pissed off so he decided to turn around and try the camera
yet again, this time driving at a snails pace. Sure enough the camera
goes off again.
Deciding it was time to take action into his own hands he pulled over and
walked up to the police van and knocked on the side door. “What the hell
are you doing? Your camera is on the blink; I wasn’t even speeding and
I’ve been past it three times”.”
Coolly the officer replied,
“No mate, we weren’t targeting speeding. We got you three times for not
wearing a seatbelt. Expect three fines in the mail.”
This page was last updated November 17, 1998.