If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly…
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all
YeR FReND, BiLLy
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawn care.
How ’bout I send you a book so you can learn to read and write? I’m
giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?
I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
What? Do you really think your dad is going to quit banging the
babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane, son? Let me get you a
nice Lego set instead.
I want a new bike, Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
kit, a pony and a tuba.
Who names their kid “Francis” nowadays? I bet you’re gay.
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
your reindeer outside the back door.
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face.
want to kiss my butt? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making Toys?
Your friend, Thomas
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses butts, and losing money at
the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Do you see us when we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re
awake, like in the song?
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I’m
skipping your house.
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?
That whiny begging shtick may work with your folks, but that b.s.
doesn’t work up here. You’re getting a sweater, again.
This page was last updated January 1, 2006.