How NOT to Commit a Bank Robbery!
Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of a number
of would-be bank robbers…
Pick The Right Bank:
You don’t want to make the same mistake as the fellow in Anaheim, CA,
who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no
Study Your History:
Don’t try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield,
Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the townsfolk took
just seven minutes to kill two and capture three of his gang. Nobody
tried again until 1984, and the customers chased the guy down.
They’re tight with their dollar, those Minnesotans.
Speak To The Right Teller:
One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller, and her
father, who was in the next line, got all bent out of shape about it.
He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until authorities
Don’t Sign Your Demand Note:
Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in
the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh… on an envelope bearing the
name and address of another in Detroit… And in East Hartford,
Connecticut, on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber’s
signature and account number.
A teenage girl in Los Angeles tried to distract attention from her
face by wearing a see-through blouse with no bra while holding up
>Go Easy On The Disguise:
One robber, dressed up as a woman with very heavy make-up, ran face
first into a glass door. He was the first criminal ever to be
positively identified by lip-prints.
Take Right Turns Only:
Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn
into the Homestead Air Force Base, drove up to a military police
guardhouse and, thinking it was a tollbooth, offered the security men
Be Aware Of The Time:
Imagine the chagrin of the bank robber in Cheshire, Massachusetts,
who hit the bank at 4:30 PM, then tried to escape through downtown
North Adams, where he was trapped in rush hour traffic until police
Consider Another Line Of Work:
Bank robbery is not for everyone. One nervous Newport, RI robber,
while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket,
shot himself in the head and died instantly.
Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea,
Massachusetts, who, when the teller told him she had no money,
fainted. He was still unconscious when the police arrived. His
getaway car parked nearby had the keys locked inside.
This page was last updated November 1, 2006.