My Boy

The scene is a ramshackle shack somewhere deep up in the hills. A woman is sitting at her kitchen table talking to a coach from Enormous State University. He is trying to convince her to send her son to ESU to play basketball.

She protests, “But my boy, he ain’t got no money. We’re poor folks. We can’t afford no college.”

And the coach says, “That’s not a problem ma’am. We can him a full scholarship that will pay all his expenses.”

And the woman says, “But my boy, he ain’t got no learnin’. He ain’t too bright.

And the coach says, “That’s not a problem ma’am. We have an excellent full time tutoring program for our basketball team.”

And the woman says, “But my boy, he ain’t got no strength. He growed too fast.”

And the coach says, “That’s not a problem ma’am. We have an excellent strength training and conditioning program.”

And the woman says, “But my boy, he ain’t got no athlete. He’s all over clumsy.”

And the coach says, “That’s not a problem ma’am. We have an excellent coordination skills program.

And the woman says, “But my boy, he’s too shy. He’d be scared of all those people.”

And the coach says, “That’s not a problem ma’am. We have an excellent social skills program.”

And the woman shakes her head and says, “I just don’t know. What for do you want to all this for my boy.”

And the coach says, “Ma’am it’s like this. We can find money for your son. We can tutor him. We can make him stronger. We can help him to be graceful and coordinated. We can help him to be self-confident around people. We have programs for this things.

We can do these things. But there are things we just can’t do. We can’t teach people how to be seven feet tall.”