Mothers who shouldn’t be
The following are all replies that British women have put on
Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father’s
details. These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure
to check number 11, It takes the prize.
- Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A
was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of
the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on
the same night.
- I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child
as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly
from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men
that I think were at the party if this helps.
- I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She
was conceived at a party at 36 Grand Avenue where I had
unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that
the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track
down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.
- I don’t know the identity of the father of my daughter. He
drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one
of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service
stations in this area and see if he’s had it replaced.
- I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from
the Pope confirming that my son’s conception was immaculate
and that he is Christ risen again.
- I cannot tell you the name of child A’s dad as he informs
me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have
cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn
between doing right by you and right by the country. Please
- I do not know who the father of my child was as all
squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a
Royal Green Jacket.
- Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up
with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?
- From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at
Euro Disney; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.
- So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that
I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs
earlier in the evening. If I’d have stayed in and watched more
TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine
might have remained unfertilized.
- I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby,
after all when you eat a can of beans you can’t be sure which
one made you fart.
This page was last updated May 1, 2005.