Richard Harter’s World
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October 2010

Letters to the editor, October 2010

This a traditional letter column. You are encouraged to write a letter of comment on anything that you find worthy of comment. It will (may) be published in this column along with my reply. As editor I reserve the right to delete material; however I will not alter the undeleted material. E-mail to me that solely references the contents of this site will be assumed to be publishable mail. All other e-mail is assumed to be private. And, of course, anything marked not for publication is not for publication. Oh yes, letters of appreciation for the scholarly resources provided by this site will be handled very discreetly. This page contains the correspondence for October 2010.

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Other Correspondence Pages

From: Raymond Kieth
Date: 23 September 2010
Subj: Feathers with Sasquatch

Dear Friend,

My name is Mr Raymond Kieth, a Senior Staff and Regional Branch Manager here in our Bank, Bank of Africa, I am 40 Years of Age married with three kinds,It may interest you to hear that I am a man of PEACE.

I only hope we can assist each other.I have packaged a financial Transaction that will benefit both of us,as the Regional Bank Manager, it is my duty to send in a financial report to my head Office in the capital City Abidjan at the end of December 2009. On the course of this last report, I discovered that my branch in which I am the manager made (Fourteen Million Two hundred Thousand United State Dollars [$14.2 Million Dollars] Which my Head Office, are not aware.

Then I decided to place this fund on what we call SUSPENSE ACCOUNT without any Beneficiary. As an Officer of the Bank I can not be directly connected to this money, so this informed my contacting you for us to work so that you can assist me to receive this money into your bank account.

I am willing to divide the total sum with you into two parts 50% each. Note, there are practically no risk involved, it will be bank to bank transfer, all I need from you is your honest and assistance to stand as the original depositor of this fund so that my Head office can order the transfer to your designated bank account.

I will appreciate it very much. As soon as I receive your response I will detail you on how we can achieve it successfully.

My dear, dear Raymond

It was so good of you to write. As it chances, I have no need of any additional funds. I am already awaiting the delivery of some $432,000,000 from various sources. Receiving any more might well attract attention from the Bavarian Illuminati.

All is not lost though. I am enchanted at the thought that you might have a recipe for Feathers with Saquatch. If possible please reply with a copy of your recipe. If I may make a small suggestion, it would be best if you disguised it as a quilting pattern for Rutabaga Dolls. You have no notion of the scoundrels that can be found on the internet these days.

Richard Harter

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From: Mohsin Ali
Date: 16 September 2010
Subj: cotton

Dear Sirs/Madams,




[snip Pakistan price list]


[snip cotton waste price list]

We are also having other waste unclean like dropping lakerin filters , rags, clips cuttings all pc or pure cotton . Cotton Linters, Polyester wate and Pet scrap/waste cleaned or uncleaned and crushed or uncrushed in big quantities and yearly / monthly bookings as well.

Also by virtue of supplying Raw Cotton and other cleaned waste to local spinners ; Wise versa we are getting cotton yarn from them for exports and local sales ; thus are exporting cotton yarn upto 20/1. Please inform your enquiries. Thks.

PAKISTAN RICE BOTH IRRI TYPES AND BASMATTI TYPE (can offer you according to your requirements; pl inform us )

Assure you of our best services, timely replies/shipments and quality guarantee.

Apparently I can’t pull the wool over my readers’ eyes so I’m looking into cotton. I want everyone to realize that Richard Harter’s World is definitely into globalization.
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From: Ruth Kollman
Date: 12 September 2010
Subj: “Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death” Anecdote

Good Afternoon, Mr. Harter.

I have written a novel, entitled “MISSION CREEP,” in which one of the protagonists enlists in the U.S. Marines. I would like to use in my book a slightly edited version of your “Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death” vignette, which appears on one of your web pages (“A Few Good Men and Me,” An excerpt of where I propose to insert the text appears below. I find your description of the event very illuminating, and it particularly suits my character. Please let me know if you have any objection to my using your material in this way, and how we can arrange for me to properly credit your work on publication. I would be happy to email you a copy of the full manuscript for your review.

My apologies for not answering sooner – life has too many little demands upon me and obligations have a way of skittering off into dark corners.

Of course you may the anecdote. Perhaps you will have an acknowledgements page in your manuscript. If you do that would be the appropriate place for an acknowledgement. A simple sentence would suffice, perhaps something like, “The incident on page xxx is based on “A Few Good Men and Me,”, with the author’s permission. That sounds a bit cumbersome to me, so please feel free to change it into smoother prose.

I would be happy to read your manuscript.

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From: Jackie Yacenda
Date: 13 September 2010
Subj: Question about your article including the 8 virtues

I wanted to contact you about something I found via google on your site. You write about the eight great virtues in your article Return to the Empire. I am interested in getting a tattoo the represents the 1st virtue… Knowing one’s place in the world. But I have been stuck for a while trying to find a symbol that represents that or wording that will do that phrase justice. I really wanted to see if you had any suggestions or comments.

My apologies for not getting back to you sooner. There are a couple of symbols that occur to me off hand. One is a jester wearing a crown. A similar one is a king (man wearing a robe and a crown) riding on a donkey but facing the wrong way.
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From: Loz
Date: 14 September 2010

why one of the effects of evolution is that species will become better adapted t their environment?

They won’t necessarily become better adapted – they might become extinct instead. The principle of natural selection is straightforward: The members of a species that are best adapted to the environment are more likely to survive and produce offspring. Therefore the next generation will be like the better adapted members of the last generation.

Matters aren’t quite that simple, of course. Natural selection operates on the variation that is present in a species. No variation, no selection. In a stable environment species usually are already well adapted – in that case natural selection operates to keep them well adapted. However However environments are always changing so species keep changing too.

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From: Darci Veola
Date: 17 August 2010
Subj: qhzi akd0


y knot
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From: Audrey Lucas
Date: 9 September 2010
Subj: Audrey Lucas

Your site has a lot of stuff!

Indeed it does. Frightening isn’t it? I like to think that having a lot of stuff is a good thing. There isn’t anything in there about quilting though. Do you think I should have a quilting section?
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From: Billy Waller
Date: 6 September 2010

Hello Customer,
My name is Mr Billy Waller ,Waller And Sons Ventures,And am sending you this email regards in ordering some ( Cattle Chute ) from your store,please if you do have them in stock,i will be very glad for you to get me their prices of each item.

And also i will like you to get back to me if you do accept credit card for this order transactions if yes let me know so that i can advice on how to proceed now.

There is some mixup here; I’m not in the cattle chute business.
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From: Peter Neilson
Date: 1 September 2010
Subj: gestation.html

The Theory of Intelligent Gestation that appeared suddenly in your zine contains an obvious typo. The rhesus monkey is spelled reces monkey. Clearly this should be recess monkey.

That the identical error appears in the website from which you borrowed the article should be a clue and a warning. Always distrust false information that arrives via the Internet.

I reprinted it as is with the permission of the author. In these matters my editorial duties end with the selection of material; correction and/or selection of typoes is the responsibility of the author.
Have you ever considered what kinds of typos you would have if your zine were published in French? “Le Monde de M. Harter.” I can see it now. But I’m having trouble understanding it because my French is rusty. Or as they say in French, “Mon français est rouillé.” Or as W. C. Fields said, “Accent grave over the E.”
Ah, so that is where I got the notion of a heading in French. I can see the reviews now: The language in M. Harter’s zine that purports to be French exemplifies the word “execrable”.

Richard Harter

… continued on next rock

Richard Harter wrote:

In French as she are spoke in Redmond, that would be crable.exe, n’est-pas? Prefix file extensions went out with the TX-2, I think. Or earlier. Whirlwind didn’t have files.

I believe we are talking about the early modcomp computers here. It had an uh, er, ah, unusual operating system. Almost everything was part of the editor, so exe crable would have been an editor command to execute crable. What was missing was a command to execute the OS designer.

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From: Keeley Leigh
Date: 5 September 2010
Subj: vvuym eps


Oh, you qt.
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Date: 6 September 2010
Subj: Illuminati

This is to let you know that you are respected by the Illuminati and we would want you to be part of us, this gives you endless opportunities to achieve any thing you want in life. you think u are famous and rich now ?be a part of us and see what happens to you in two months of joining us, the Illuminati are made up of great people you may know ,this include some of our leaders and business gurus that control the economy of the world, their names; we cant disclose to you now except you join ,not only will we disclose their names but you will get to meet them one on one .I have done the job sent to me by our elders ,the decision to join or not are yours to make, incase you are not interested please delete this message at once. But if you are interested reply this message with the word ILLUMINATI in capital letters and we will get back to you.

Your offer sounds quite attractive; unfortunately I am not Bavarian.

…The information in this mail is strictly for your consumption, don’t tell anyone else. thanks for your time.

Rest assured; I have not said one word about this to anyone.
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From: Peter Neilson
Date: 31 August 2010

My Esteamed Harter!

Some years ago I received the following letter. I ignored it then, but I came across it recently and am re-ignoring it now by forwarding it on to you, where it may repose in your collection of similar Games of Slim Chance.

Observe that the purported Ivory Coaster sends mail in French from Spain. What talent!

Keeper of the Repository of Ernie and George

My dear, dear sir. English, (indeed all languages save, perhaps, Klingon) is hopelessly adequate for expressing the immensity of my gratitude for your offering.

That said in all its prolixity, I must confess that I somehow first thought that you were about to suggest that I retitle my website in French. I grant that your message in no way suggests any such thing but misreading texts is one of my native talents. In any event, the thought considered on its own has its attractions.

What do you think of the notion of retitling the site every month in a different language? Perhaps next month it could be

Le monde de Richard Harter.
One of the difficulties I foresee is that although there are a multitude of languages, many use alphabets not readily recognized by my readers. Then, too, there is the translation difficulty. Babblefish doesn’t seem to have an entry for “English to Tagalog”.
——– Original Message ——–
Date: Thu, 26 Jul 2007 19:16:54 +0200 (CEST)
From: Loterie Mondiale
To: [email protected]

*A votre aimable attention,*

*Nous avons le plaisir de vous annoncez que vous êtes l’un des heureux gagnants de la Loterie informatique pour l’expansion de L’Internet en Afrique .Une Loterie organisé par La Banque mondiale et Atlantique Banque Côte d’ivoire. Une loterie portant sur les adresses électroniques des internautes.*

*La valeur totale mis en jeu est de 50.000 000 Millions de Dollars et votre Adresse email à travers laquelle vous recevez ce message a été tirée au sort par sélection informatique lors de notre premier Tirage annuel effectue la semaine dernière au siège de la Banque Atlantique de cote d’ivoire sis a Abidjan.*

*Vous faites donc partie des Heureux Gagnants et votre gain est de 1.000.000$ de Dollars Américains.*

*Pour entrer en possession de votre lot, Veuillez nous adressez exclusivement un courrier comportant : Votre Nom, Prénoms, Adresse complète, Numéro de Téléphone et Fax ainsi qu’une copie de votre Carte Nationale d’identité ou passeport en cours de validité.*

*Apres quoi il vous sera expliqué comment entrer en possession de votre lot.*

*Nous portons à votre connaissance que au moins 7% des lots attribués doivent être utilisé pour l’expansion de l’Internet dans un pays Africains et que dans trois mois une grande Tournée de vérification aura lieu .A l’issue de cette tournée le projet le plus significatif sera récompensé du prix spécial de la BANQUE MONDIALE AFRIQUE POUR LA PROMOTION DE L’INTERNET*

*Recevez encore toutes nos félicitations.*
*Mme Laura Banks.*
*Chargé De Communication.*

¿Solo en vacaciones? Enamórate este verano.
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From: Peter Neilson
Date: 6 September 2010
Subj: You also didn’t want this

Oh, how George Flynn would have enjoyed the fortunes and misfortunes of Google Translate!

There are languages that no one expects.

Maitea, maitea jauna. Ingelesa, (izan ere hizkuntza guztiek gorde, agian, Klingon) da hopelessly egokia immensity de adierazteko nire Zure eskaintzen eskertzeko.

Bere prolixity guztiak zuenez, nolabait aitortu dut lehen behar dut pentsatu izan duzula buruzko retitle dut nire orrian proposatu Frantsesa. zure bidea ez da mezua, hala nola, edozein gauza iradokitzen beka I baina misreading testuak nire ama talentu bat da. Nolanahi ere, urtean pentsatu bere kabuz hartzen ditu bere ikuskizunak.

Zer iruditzen zaizu web retitling hilero en nozioa duzu beste hizkuntza bat? Agian datorren hilabetean izan zitekeela
    Le monde de Richard Harter.

Zailtasunak zailtasun, I aurreikusten bat dago ugari dira nahiz eta Hizkuntza, asko erabiltzen ez alfabetatua erraz nire irakurleak ezagutzen. Orduan ere, ez itzulpen zaila da. Babblefish ez dirudi “Sarrera bat izan nahi Tagalog” ingelesez.

Oh the horror of it all! I can see where this is going but I shan’t say anything in the hope that it won’t happen.
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From: Mellisent Metzger
Date: 30 Aygust 2010
Subj: Schlank werden mit Brigitte

Eine tolle Figur bekommen sollte heutzu-tage leicht sein und am Besten echt Spasss bringen.

Checken sie djese neuartige Herangehensweise und erfahren Sie, wie problemlos es heutzutage ist neun K-i-l-o in einem Kalendermonat abzunehmen.

Hier erfahren Sie Sie Hinweise, um pr0blemlos eine gute Figur zu bekommen ohne dabei Sport zu treiben.


Abnehmen, schnell und erfolgreich!

Mit freundlichen Gruessen

Dr. Mellisent Metzger

Oh dear. I can’t even lose weight in English. However do you expect me to do it in German.
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From: Peter Neilson
Date: 31 Aygust 2010
Subj: fannish daily comics

Today’s Archie comic strip;=Archie
reminds me of events purported to have taken place “in the Institute’s
dark basement, ‘midst the grease and dirt and grime.”

Archie’s town and high school, Riverdale, is apparently Haverhill.

All I have to say to that is that I knew Tony Lewis when he was still working on his PhD in physics, and that I had visited his lab.
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From: Lois Harter
Date: 29 Aujust 2010
Subj: No pressure, but…

Only 2 more days until Sept. 1 and you DID decree that September would happen.

Your concerned sister
Only 2 more days until Sept. 1 and you DID decree that September would happen.

Your concerned sister

Interesting. Firstly you have no evidence that I ever issued such a decree. If you doubt me a quick perusal of my web site will reveal no such decree. During said perusal you should be able to perceive that September has, so to speak, crept into August, which is to say that most of the September issue is already present.

I do not know which is more disturbing – the thought that you wrote without having checked the website, the thought that you wrote having checked the website, or the possibility of some mental disorder on your part as evidenced by your verbal stuttering. I hope that this a transient thing of no particular consequence.

Your quite concerned brother,
Richard H.

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From: Lee R Piazza
Date: 26 August 2010

Yes, the future perfect was always a problem. Sorry about your TAD, I’d help but my Akkadian is rusty. HA HA, the spell-check doesn’t like “Akkadian.” So you have a Time Machine? Can I take it out for a spin? I love Paris every moment but I’d like to check it out in 1792-3.

I don’t loan the machine out any more. It’s been getting more and more erratic about when and where you actually arrive. The last time somebody tried to check out Paris in 1792 they came back all beat up and muttering something about not really expecting the Spanish Inquisition.

As for spell checking Akkadian, my understanding is that the Akkadians were black magicians. You can’t check their spells unless you have a master magicianz licence.

… continued on next rock

Beat up! They were lucky!

What is really needed is a screen allowing one to look into the past–like the geologists in “Times Arrow” thought the physicists were building. HA HA jeep-tire-prints in the Mesozoic mud.

It just doesn’t work. As I understand it, reality is a bubble of matter slipping through an anti-matter universe, with the past and the future being anti-matter and the boundary being no-matter. The boundary is fuzzy – quantum indeterminancy, you know. The photons scatter off the boundary and you don’t get a picture.

This message brought to you by the Lucy Van Pelt school of science.

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From: Bob Wilson
Date: 27 August 2010
Subj: Urgent Order


This is Bob and I will like to order (Cattle Chutes).Do get back to me with the types and cost for the ones you do carry and let me know if there is an extra cost when using visa or master Card.Kindly get back to me with your name Are you the sales manager or the Owner?

Sorry Bob, I’m not in the cattle chute business. You must have the wrong email address.
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This page was last updated October 1, 2010.

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October 2010