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Letters to the Editor, X-men Special

I have decided to collect all of the mutantwatch letters into one page. Apparently there is to be an X-men movie. Like all movies these days there is a promotion site. As part of the process they have constructed a hoax site featuring the crusade of one Senator Jack Kelly for genetic purity in America. This site features articles about teen age mutants causing tornados and has informative articles about how to tell if your neighbor is a mutant. The mutantwatch site has a page of links purportedly being what science has to say about the mutant problem, said linked pages having nothing to do with the movie and its promotion. One of the links is to a page of mine entitled Are mutations harmful?.

In consequence I have gotten a lot of very strange mail. In previous years I’ve run an informal “flakiest letter of the year” contest. The new millennium has started off with a bang; the flaky letters are arriving in floods. Enjoy.

Please don’t send a letter of comment on the mutant letters page unless you have something to say about the rest of the site. The mutant letters page is VERY popular – I’m getting several thousand hits a day on it, about twice as many as I am getting from the page, and a flood of appreciative email. Thanks, folks, but enough is enough.

For those who found this page by word of mouth or from one of the links to it I’ve blocked email from the “Are mutations harmful?” page. I gets counts on the hits on the “temp_mail” page – there are 20-40 a day; that’s how many mutant letters I would be getting if I didn’t have the block in place. Scary, ain’t it.

Index of contributors

Other Correspondence Pages

From: Senator Kelly
Date: 6/13/2000


Brian P. Neale has listed the following reasons for submitting your name to the National Registry of Known or Suspected Mutants:

* You frequently exhibit behavior or traits associated with the genetically altered. These traits include the tendency to change personalities at will and shoot looks that kill.

* It has also been noted that you often demonstrate an impossibly high pain threshold. In addition to the above, a number of unexplained phenomena such as malfunctioning appliances have been documented and traced back to your presence.

* Unusual physical characteristics such as your razor-sharp tongue have been analyzed and confirmed by our mutant profiling experts as mutant-positive.

* Additionally, your peers have filed complaints that they sometimes break out in a cold sweat when in close proximity to you.

If you believe that you have been wrongly identified, follow this link: to complete a brief diagnostic test to clear yourself.

-The Genetically Pure Patriot Brigade
Proud to Support the Senator Kelly 2000 Campaign

The site has a nifty little feature whereby you can file a mutant report on your friends, neighbours, or a hapless webmaster. When you do the above email is sent to the victim. I have no idea what happens if you try to send email to [email protected] but I don’t imagine that it is pretty.

Note: david beiser has also snitched on yours truly as a suspected mutant.

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Date: 5/29/2000
Subj: Mutants issues

Mutants are the future of Human Race, If Mankind is to survive the next Milluneum, Man must evolve into a higher and more sophisticated being, I belive the only way this can be done is through genetically – Modified experiments research on Man kind , I belive i am one of such beings – I AM MUTHA – FUCKING MUTANT !!! can you dig it !

I opine that if mankind is to survive the coming millennium it is going to have to learn how to spell and how to recognize a movie promotion when it sees one. Then again, maybe the future belongs to gullible illiterates; certainly the evidence runs that way.

PS: is a promotional hoax for the X-men movie; you’ve reached Richard Harter who is not affiliated with the movie in any way.

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From: CaNdYRavER1369
Date: 5/28/2000
Subj: wow this mutant stuff is cool

NOT. you guys are dumb, just trying to make some money, are mutants real? somebody as been watching a little too much X-MEN lately. yeah, right, get a life,

-an unconcerned citizen-

I would like to get a Life but they’ve stopped publishing. I certainly wouldn’t want yours – it appears to be seriously defective.

BTW did you notice that you weren’t sending email to (an obvious promotional hoax for the X-men movie) but rather to an entirely different site instead?

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From: CaNdYRavER1369
Date: 5/28/2000
Subj: yes i have humugus mutant story

yes, well see, i have excessively large balls, is this do to some sorta mutation or are you people just a bunch of money hustlin faggots, word. its a 9 incher baby.

You’re probably diseased. Very large balls are caused by a disgusting tropical parasite. See your doctor before they swell up to the size of beach balls and you have to carry them around in a wheelbarrow.
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From: john b russell
Date: 5/28/2000
Subj: mutant sex

I swear I had sex with a mutant she could do the unimaginable and she lies very well to .well anyway this is the world of lies ,everyone does it even the president of our in god we trust country.we are all worms when we die thats a mutation hopefully into butterflies,butterfly boy life is great dont you think?

Absolutely right; your sex is unbelievable. Turning into a butterfly when you die would be reincarnation. The only trouble with reincarnating as a butterfly is that it doesn’t last very long. What I’m afraid of is that I would reincarnate as a puffer fish.
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From: Carlito Claricia
Date: 5/28/2000
Subj: i think im a mutant…

hello… i think what you are doing is prejduice and unjust… i think i stand for all those mutants out there when i say youre an ass wipe!

I have some sad news for you. Senator Kelly doesn’t exist. Mutants don’t exist. You don’t … Never mind. The other sad news is that not only are you gullible and illiterate, you didn’t notice what site you were sending your email too.

PS: Now that you’ve been taken in by the publicity campaign for X-men movie you might go see the movie when when it comes out in July. On the other hand you might visit reality instead. The novelty of the experience will do you good.

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([email protected])
Date: 5/23/2000
Subj: impressive

After looking through your site, I seriously believed that a science man like yourself would not fall for such a conspiracy.

Mutants do exist, they are just covered up – hence no news stories on them.

Very much like the conspiracies surrounding Atlantis, The Face on Mars or Steve Guttenberg’s acting career.

I prefer the explanations in the Illuminatus Trilogy myself.
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From: MugsyDC
Date: 6/1/2000
Subj: mutants

Just to let you guys know I’m a mutant .I ‘m highly skilled in hand to hand combat and I dont like that you are exposeing us. And if you try to get rid of us expect high resistance

This is just to let you know your hand to hand skills won’t do you a bit of good; we just blow mutants away – the dumb ones that is; the smart ones don’t give themselves away by writing email.

Expect a visitor.

Don’t expect to survive.

PS: You (like many others) have reached Richard Harter who has no connection at all with the X-men movie or the site; you would do well to pay attention to where you send email.

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From: zander
Date: 5/14/2000
Subj: mutants

don’t mess with us mutants!

You mutants don’t pay any attention to where you are sending email.

PS: The mutantwatch page is a scam, a promo for the X-men movie.

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From: “Brian Whitehead”
Date: 5/16/2000

I don’t see a problem with MUTANTS among us.Please tell me of the harm they’re causing us. Your essays and commercials told me nothing but of your close mindedness and fear of something you don’t understand. Please do some real research and then make you decision on mutants.

Some simple facts for you: I have nothing to do with the site; it is a promotion for the X-men movie. Senator Kelly does not exist; everything on the side is a fabrication. The only thing that is real is the links on the “links” page which point to real pages outside There are no mutants with strange powers – that is comic book stuff.

The question I have for you is – how did you end up sending email to me? I understand that you followed the link to my “Are mutations harmful?” page. But when you click on the email link on that page it brings up a page explaining the hoax and that there is no way to send mail to the fictitious Senator Kelly.

Did you ignore the warning or were you just following links for a while without noticing what site you were on?

… continued on next rock …


I am not an idiot. I was just having fun with the website.I realize that your website is a hoax,I also know that mutants are only ” COMIC BOOK STUFF.” I grew up on the X-MEN, and know their history from the original (Cyclops,Jean,Angel,Iceman,and The Beast before he was hairy), until the present X-MEN.

Again I say,I AM NOT AN IDIOT.Please forgive me for having fun at the websites expense.

Faithful X-MEN follower,
Brian Whitehead

If you like, Brian, I can have somebody print up a certificate that says that “Brian Whitehead IS NOT an idiot.” There will be a small fee for this service. Send me a blank check (please include info on your current balance) and when it clears you will get your certificate.

By the way, my web site is not a hoax; it may be peculiar but it definitely isn’t a hoax. The site is, as you realized, a hoax. However Fox Studios and their promotional scam have nothing to do with me; I am not affiliated with them in any way.

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From: Jan Schucart
Date: 5/14/2000
Subj: Your pathetic “mutant quiz”

are you talking about inbreds? Because I’m NOT an inbred and I took your test and it said I was high probability for mutation. But a lot of your questions were a little bit vague if you’re looking for something specific. For example, most people suffer from pains because of work or just stressful lives. And as far as birthmarks-I only know about 6 people in my entire life-span that didn’t have one. According to your test, everyone is a mutant. And as far as having any sort of “super-human” problems, I suffer from none of that, I’m not using any sort of sixth sense at all. And frankly, I find it rude that you’re calling me a “mutant.” I think instead of openly claiming that you’re against mutants, maybe you should explain to the public what exactly you’re speaking about, instead of telling everyone to to look up your site.

If you’re calling me a mutant, you’re calling all of my friends and family mutants, and I find it hard to believe that everyone I’ve come into contact with in the past eighteen years of my life are in fact mutants.

Amanda Johnson

Dear Amanda (or is it Jan)

You have the gullibility mutation. This gene causes people to take movie promotion hoaxes seriously. It also causes them to not notice where they are sending email.

The site is a promotion for the X-men movie coming out in July.

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From: Ric042o
Date: 5/14/2000
Subj: ok

ok what the hell is that sh*t?

Which sh*t?
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From: Nathan Evan Smith ([email protected])
Date: 5/15/2000
Subj: mutant letters

you know, you don’t have to such a fucking jerk. people may mistakingly send you e-mail about x-men but you really don’t have to wright back and be a damn smart ass. your english, right? i think thats your problem. you people shouldn’t have access to the world beyond your island. your just another one of those blind christian (lower case “c”) followers. your no different from hindus, islamics, shintoists, buddists, or any other religion in the world.

“derrr, get a grip on reality, derrr, i’m a christian smart ass, hur, hur.”

fuck you

Oh, but I do have to be a jerk; I’ve been working on being a jerk for many years. I surmise, perhaps quite incorrectly, that you have only been a jerk for a couple of decades. You have my admiration – you have an talent for it.

Just for your information I am neither English nor am I a Christian. Also for you information, the word is “write” rather than “wright”.

Don’t think that I do not appreciate your letter – I do. All things considered I think you may be the leader in the contest for the flakiest letter of the year award.

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From: Nathan Evan Smith
Date: 5/16/2000
fuck your creationism faq!

the answer to the last question pretty much sums it up. your the one without an open mind you fuck! i went to church for twenty years and strongly belived in all that shit. but then it all started to fall apart. nothing fits. think about it. and you can’t answer a single question legitametly.



FUCK YOU! feel free to respond, uppety christian bastard!

Er, most folks – particularly Creationists – don’t have any difficulty recognizing that the page was a satire poking fun at creationists.
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From: Vladimir
Date: 5/15/2000
Subj: mutant

Um i have a really large dick. Am i a mutant?

You’re confused. You have a normal sized dick; you just have a very small head.
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From: Mike Low
Date: 5/15/2000
Subj: ???

I am inquiring about the link to and how you are affiliated with them? I found no contact email addresses or snail mail addresses, which led me to your page, and thus the writing of this message. I was wondering if this a hyped up blair witch type scenario or what. I saw the commercial on TV for and decided to see what it was all about. Clever advertising. Yet what is being advertised? I am assuming it will eventually be some movie. I just have lots of questions and was wondering if it possible for you to answer any of these questions?
Thank you

It’s a promo for the X-men movie coming out in July. I’m not affiliated with them; they just liked the title of my web page.
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From: HolyISaint
Date: 5/14/2000
Subj: Harmful Mutations

Could some Mutations be painful? Like sharp pains in the back where the shoulder blades are? Or in the forearms? Would those be mutations? Or are those just bones ache that never go away?

Nope. Those aren’t harmful mutations. They’re just the aches and pains that the human body is heir to.
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From: “[email protected]
Date: 5/14/2000
Subj: mutants

Alright dude
I tried to take the mutant test but on submission I received an internal error. Then I tried to report a mutant and got the same damn error. Now doesn’t this make y’all mutants if you aren’t god damn smart enough to put to together a web page with out errors that can submit a simple form. But then I kept reading and I came across this article with all this shit about moths. Now this seemed to be smarter than your average bullshit heard on the streets. One of the characteristics that you mentioned a mutant has is being smarter than the average person God forbid. So I guess I am wondering really aren’t you peeps just a bunch of mutants and shouldn’t you eradicate your own selves and save us all.

Hey Dude,

Pay attention to where you’re sending email; my site has nothing to do with the site which is a hoax promoting the X-men movie coming out in July. I checked their site myself and it worked fine. They may have had a problem with their server. Give them another try.

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From: “Ra’shay Williams”
Date: 5/14/2000
Subj: I am just wondering if this is real?

Hello I am just wondering if this is real and if it is why is it not really on the news.I seen the campain on tv.One other thing if you take the mutant test and find out that you are a mutant what do you do? my address is [email protected] or [email protected] but I would prefer that you e-mail me at and what do you guys do to supected mutants?

It’s a scam, a promo for the X-men movie. I’m not affiliated it with it in any way – they just have a link to one of my pages.
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From: “Paul Moratto”
Date: 5/14/2000
Subj: Over-reaction to mutants?

Hello Senator Kelly (or staff, support group, whomever):

I saw the news ad, went to the website ( and scanned it briefly. My initial observation is that you MAY have fallen into an age-old and pervasive trap. When I hear (words to the effect of) “Sa-a-a-a-ve tha chi-i-i-l-l-l-l-l-drun,” my first reaction is always, “Oh, no, not this again.” Next, I read a lot of information and/or hysteria on the nice-looking web pages about perceived dangers posed to children by mutants, yet I DON’T see (from anything you’ve said) where mutants have actually harmed anyone. Isn’t bizarre behavior, especially among children, quite normal and protected in our society? I hope you are not going off the deep end here, villifying a small group of “odd” individuals or people who may be in our midst. Next, will you have the BATF go in with tanks, bazookas, pyrotechnic incendiary devices and machine guns and “burn the village in order to save the village,” so to speak, like they did in Waco, Ruby Ridge, some Indian reservation (name forgotten) and elsewhere etc? Let’s please clear the air and be careful to keep this discussion rational. If mutants pose a real threat to others, just say what it is, and try to avoid hysteria and witch hunts. Mutants MAY be people too.

Actually, mutants aren’t people. They’re fiction – at least the ones on the site are fiction. For that matter Senator Kelly is fiction. The site is part of the promotion for the X-men movie coming out in July. It’s all a hoax.

What’s more, you haven’t reached the fictitious Senator Kelly; you’ve reached Richard Harter who happens to maintain a page that the hoax site has a link to.

Now let me ask you a question (I don’t expect an answer): You seem to be a sensible chap. When you read the Senator Kelly site didn’t you detect any aroma of ripe fish?

… continued on next rock …

Thank you for your reply. Of course I recognized the hoax (as I pointed out in a board message to David Gold’s forum about the same date as the message to “senator Kelly” above) (see Gold had prompted discussion or debate about the so-called “million mad mom march” in Washington, manufactured by the government/media as part of the anti-gun agenda, with a discussion about the need for licensing “dangerous bathtubs,” and I threw the “mutant watch” thing in as another good way to use an existing hoax or misguided cause to divert the abundant number of well-meaning but frightened and brain-dead dupes running around in this country today. Actually, mutants DO exist, and they ARE people. You can see droves of them for yourself, any election day around the Repo and Demo party polling places, and we need to find more harmless activities for them. MutantWatch has wide exposure, so why not use it?

Hey, wait a minute. Did you say Richard Harter? THE Richard Harter who used to have a radio talk show something like, say, Art Bell, and who is believed to have been run out of town for “telling it like it is” and hitting “too close to home”? Sorry I haven’t heard you myself (you were apparently not available on radio in Los Angeles), but a friend of mine in the Florida Keys told me about you. He was an avid listener down there, and is going to be so glad that I found you (sending him a copy of this message now). From what he’s told me, we need you back on the airwaves, although I personally think that any forum short of today’s tabloid in-your-face evening TV just isn’t going to wake-up enough people. The government has dominant reign over dissemination of news and information, through the mainstream lap dog media, and the take-over is all but complete. Now I seek only to keep my head low and watch for an escape.

Sorry, I’m not the Richard Harter who had a talk show nor am I the Richard Harter who is a basketball coach. I must admit that it never occurred to me to think of Senator Kelly as an answer to gun control.
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From: “no name”
Date: 5/14/2000
Subj: what the

thats real skrewed up our mutant kind shall not be put down buy youre ignorance

Sorry old bean, you have not reached the web site. You’ve reached Richard Harter who maintains the “Are mutations harmful?” page which has nothing whatsoever to do with the website. Now repeat after me:

The X-men are a comic strip; they have nothing to do with reality. is an obvious promotional hoax for the X-men movie.

Mutants with superpowers only exist in the comic strips.

Now that we’ve got that straight, how about if you work on your reading and writing skills. I’d also pay more attention to spelling if I were you.

… continued on next rock …

shut the fuck up i am a mutant how do you explain my third nipple and only one testicle how many balls do you have mr bastard

I have bad news for you. That thing you are calling your third nipple is your other testicle.

… continued on next rock …

old bean what the fuck is that god you are one of the gayest people i know

Now that is a puzzlement much like your orthography. Setting aside the fact that you don’t know me or my sexual proclivities what is the basis for your comment? Are you operating under the assumption that anything you don’t understand must be homosexual, under the assumption that literacy is a mark of homosexuality, or are you simply asserting that I am a happy person?
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From: “Kyle Dunn”
Date: 5/14/2000
Subj: Questions about your site.

What is your site about? I mean is this some kind of joke or are you for real? The information your showing on TV is what brought me to your site if this helps. You probably get thousands of e-mails a day, so I bet I’ll get an automate response. Lets just say, I know the truth and know hwo to use what I have been blessed with.

I assume that you are asking about the web site; it is a promotional hoax for the X-men movie coming out in July. As it happens they don’t have a place for people to send them mail. The link you followed is not part of the site.

I am getting a lot of email. You can read it at

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From: mdt
Date: 5/12/2000



Dear Lost and Confused,

You have reached Richard Harter who is the author of the “Are mutations harmful?” page. I have nothing, repeat, NOTHING to do with the X-men movie or the Senator Kelly site. The latter is a scam, a promotional bit for the movie.

That said, I’ve received many peculiar letters from people thinking that they are writing to the fictitious Senator Kelly but yours is by far one of the more incoherent and irrational.

Best of luck in your next and future life – this one doesn’t seem to be shaping up too well.

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From: Anon
Date: 5/13/2000
Subj: For real?

Help me, Is this for real????

There is no help. Nothing is for real.

Seriously, the site is a hoax, part of the promotion for the X-men movie coming out in July. My site (which you reached by following links) has nothing to do it.

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From: Mark Hiebert
Date: 5/13/2000
Subj: Mutants

Mutants rule!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oddly enough they do – everyone has a few mutations and is therefore a mutant. Comic book style mutants, on the other hand, are fiction and don’t exist.

BTW did you notice that you were sending email to a site that has nothing to do with the X-men movie or the fictitious Senator Kelly?

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From: Kid Rock
Date: 5/13/2000
Subj: Quit

I am the leader of the rebels, quit writing this crap about us. We will not allow you to write this about us. Canel this page. Kelly back down!

[email protected]

From: Mutant identification & entrapment Squad #432
To: Mutant control center, Fred Wernstath, Mutant Control Officer

Hi Fred,

We caught another fish with the mutantwatch page. These muties think it’s safe to send email through the web. Little do they know that we put a trace on them and do a remote detonate on their computer.

See attached for details. Put him under surveillance or blow him out of the water?

Lewis Armstrong, squad leader

From: Mutant control center, Fred Wernstath, Mutant Control Officer
To: Mutant identification & entrapment Squad #432

He looks like a deluded small timer. Don’t bother with surveillance, just get rid of him.

Fred Wernstath, Mutant Control Officer

From: Mutant identification & entrapment Squad #432
To: Mutant control center, Fred Wernstath, Mutant Control Officer

Right chief. He’s toast. The detonate signal is on its way.

Lewis Armstrong, squad leader


The above memos are a little bit of fiction. What is not fiction is that your email was not sent to the fictitious Senator Kelly but instead was sent to a third party who has nothing to do with the scam (a promotional bit for the X-men movie) or the movie. Not to worry, lots of other people have made the same mistake.

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From: Nat
Date: 5/13/2000
Subj: Cant wait for the movie

Are mutants real? Like on the X-men? Is this whole thing for real? Is senator Kelly a real person? Is he really aginst mutants(If he and mutants really exist)?

No, mutants as on the X-men don’t exist – they’re science fantasy. Senator Kelly and the mutantwatch site are a scam, a promotion for the X-men movie.

I am not connected with the X-men movie BTW or the mutantwatch site – they just have a link to one of my pages and people end up sending email to me by mistake.

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From: Luis
Date: 5/13/2000
Subj: REALLY ?

FUCK YOU LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU ARE ONE SICK BASTARD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Strike 1: You don’t know how to use the shift key
Strike 2: You are foul mouthed
Strike 3: You are a gullible loser

FYI you are not sending email to site – they just happen to have a link to one of my pages. There is no such person as Senator Kelly; the mutantwatch site is a scam, part of the promotion for X-men movie.

You need to get a life. Failing that, try getting a shift key.

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From: ANOI
Date: 5/13/2000
Subj: hey—good site

i know this is all a long range type of scheme as a big comercial for the x-men movies but it turned into a good politacal parody so when the movies is over please keep updating it

It’s a great site and I agree with you but there is just one catch – there is no way to send email to it; the pages on the links page are not part of the site. My page, “Are mutations harmful?”, is a straight science page. I seem to be getting the Senator’s email because people assume that the links are part of the scam.

… continued on next rock …

2 things….You really think there are mutant’s….human mutants? and i right that is an advertisement for the x-men movie
Mutants in the sense of people with special powers? No? That is comic book science. And, yes, is part of the promotion for the x-men movie.

… continued on next rock …

Do you get piad for the advertisement, and once the movie is gone are you going to erase the movie?
The movie people haven’t paid me anything. There is nothing I can do about the fact that they have a link to one of my pages.
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From: Kevin L. Evans
Date: 5/9/2000
Subj: Cant wait for the movie

I’ve been a fan of the Xmen since child hood. I’m now 35. Keep me posted on the release date

Sorry, you’ve reached a site that has nothing to do with the movie. The links on the mutantwatch site point to pages outside the mutantwatch site.

Try checking the X-men movie page every now and then.

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From: Jaime Spitznagel
Date: 5/12/2000
Subj: mutants

what if these mutations are just part of Gods gifts to us. How we use Gods gifts is up to us and the teachers. They should not be hunted out. There are children born that have photographic memories and you call that mutant? Babies dieing from genetic cancer, mutants? That is just wrong. Verry wrong. You cant stop life from evolving. If we came from apes, up till now, that is considered better right? why would any further evolution be wrong, or not meant to be? Things will happen how God wants them to happen, no matter what we do. All things are done in His accordance.

I’m sure you mean well but sentiment combined with gullibility is a dangerous thing. As you should have realized the site is a scam, a hoax to publicize the X-men movie. Your indignation at the fictitious Senator Kelly is harmless but taking stuff at face value and reacting emotionally to it is not.

BTW you should have noticed that the link you followed is not, I repeat, NOT part of the mutantwatch site.

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Date: 5/11/2000
Subj: Mutantation Predjudice or Fear of Change

I don’t understand this whole mutant stuff. Could you please break it down. And in the commercial it said by July 14th we are all threatened by mutants. -What the hell does that mean? When I first saw the commercial, I thought it was a joke. Is this is a joke or is this serious?

It’s all a promotion for the X-men movie coming out in July. As a word of advice pay no attention to what you see on TV or hear on the radio until you get your reality/fantasy meter fixed.

… continued on next rock …

You’re welcome. I haven’t seen the ad but from what you say it is going to confuse a lot of people.
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From: Shannon Gulden
Date: 5/9/2000
Subj: ??????????????

Aren’t you afraid some people will actually take this website seriously?

If, as I suspect is the case, you’re under the impression that you’re sending email to the site I must inform you that you’ve reached a site that they have a link to, a site that has nothing to do with the less than real Senator Kelly.

I suspect that it doesn’t bother them at all that people take their little hoax seriously. Many people do.

OTOH if you are actually talking about MY site, I don’t worry about it a bit.

… continued on next rock …

My apologies, I was in fact, talking about the mutant hoax website. I hit the mail link and I got your address, but I do thank you for your response. I am concerned that there are so many Americans, who won’t see this as a hoax (namely the Jerry Springer guest type- and that constitutes at least on third of Americas population!) About mutant watch, is it some type of movie promotion or something like that? After all, Senator Kelly does look a lot like an older version of Brad from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
It’s a promotion for the X-men movie. It is quite evident from my mail that a lot of people fall into the Jerry Springer guest type. This, perhaps, is the normal state of affairs – there is a core of reasonably intelligent and informed people and a large fringe of flakes of one sort and another. In the ordinary course of things the fringe doesn’t matter because they run off in all sorts of directions. Of late, though, it seems to me that the center is getting pretty badly frayed. This may explain American politics.
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From: David Sisk
Date: 5/10/2000
Subj: Mutantation Predjudice or Fear of Change

Just who is the fault of these mutantions man or god? and why do you fear something different, Answer because its different if its not a bad thing than why fear it. I think this is just a predjudice KKK act and should not be persuded in anyway just because someone is unique and a little different that doesn’t make them a mutant. I just the same as calling a black man, a Nigger. and that not the right way to look at things that way either. I would call you or anyone else a mutant just because I didn’t like them or they could do something better or worse than me God Created us All Equal no matter who they are.

P.S. You have no right to judge anyone. God Says so.

Dear David,

Has anyone ever told you that your gullibility level is dangerous to your financial well being? Consider that carefully. Buy no bridges from smooth talking strangers.

For your information, the Senator Kelly mutantwatch web site is a blatant hoax designed to promote the X-men movie. What is more, the link you followed is not part of the mutantwatch web site. The page, “Are mutations harmful?”, is a quite prosaic science exposition page presenting the actual facts about mutations and has nothing to do with either the movie or the fictitious Senator Kelly.

By the way, you might work on your spelling – it’s “mutation” and not “mutantion”. Likewise it’s “prejudice” and not “predjudice”. While you’re at it you might work a little harder on your punctuation. Throw in a few periods every now and then instead of using run-on sentences. If you have any time left after that you could consider getting your parts of speech sorted out.

I grant that these are small points of usage but the eloquence of your indignation will be greatly improved if you express yourself in literate English.

… continued on next rock …

Ok so I’ve been duped!! LOL!! SORRY!!
No problem. It happens.
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From: femolad
Date: 5/11/2000
Subj: hi

do you get what is all about. i dont get it. what is their objective they have no email stated

It’s a promotional hoax for the X-men movie coming out in July.
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From: ZestyLace
Date: 5/12/2000
Subj: I’m curious

Would you please explain this Mutant thing to me. Are you serious? Or is this a scam. Does this have to do with races, or is it all people who have the “qualities”?

This is not the site; they just have a link to one of my pages. The site is a hoax promoting the X-men movie. Mutants in the sense of the movie and the comic strip are fantasy; they have nothing to do with real biology.
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From: SDGriffen
Date: 5/12/2000
Subj: Mutants

i feel persecuted for being different, why cant others understand me? just because i have certain powers, does`nt mean i `m all that different. i will fight for my rights, as well as other `s. help us understand our wonderful gift `s. but be forewarned, if you try to isolate us, we will become more as one. we are not scientific experiments for you to dabble in , or on . we must work together for a mutual understanding . it`s still one planet,,,,,,,,,so far

Dear Mutant,

You are persecuted because your special gifts are gullibility and illiteracy.

PS: You have reached a site that has nothing to do with the X-men movie or the site. Please pay attention to where you are sending email. Senator Kelly is fictitious; the site is part of the promotion for the X-men movie. The X-men are comic strip characters; comic strip mutants are fantasy. Check out reality some time; it’s a fascinating place.

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From: RoXyChiX
Date: 5/10/2000
Subj: you

guys are stupid

A really stupid chap would be someone who tries to send email to a hoax website called and doesn’t notice that he’s sending email to some place else.

Would that someone be you?

… continued on next rock …

this was the link the stupid mutant watch thing gave me so how should i know

You’re right. There’s no way YOU would know.

… continued on next rock …

shut the fuck up

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From: Robert Diedrich
Date: 5/11/2000
Subj: How can i contact this Senator Kelly?

Dear Sir or Miss How can i contact this Senator Kelly?

You can’t. As far as I know there is no such person as Senator Kelly. The website is a hoax, designed to promote the X-men movie.

By the way, my site has nothing to do with; they merely have a link to it.

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From: HKhaleghi
Date: 2/18/2000

Curious are you guys trying to support the X-MEN Movie? Are these essays real or fake?

Neither I nor Plaisted (the other victim) have any connection with the X-MEN movie. The essays are real. Plaisted is a creationist trying to argue against evolution; my essay is a basic science essay answering common questions about actual mutations. X-MEN is fantasy.

… continued on next rock …

I understand but your essays where linked to the X-MEN MOVIE WEB SITE… with many others! That’s why I asked

Just so. So ask them about it. It’s their site; they can link to anything that they want to.
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From: Wvbarnes
Date: 2/19/2000
Subj: Enjoyed the site

X-men rule! You are sick

Check with your doctor; your meds seem to be out of adjustment again.

… continued on next rock …

cheerily acknowledged (what are meds in the Queens English????)

An aweful lot of friends and relatives here in England are now thoroughly confused about mutants having no idea of the history of such things, I was reading reprints of Xavier and his little school circa 1967!

Sorry, old bean, my site has nothing to do with the x-men movie – apparently whoever put together the Senator Kelly page thought it would be cute to put in links to real articles.

meds = medications.

PS: It’s just a movie.

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From: THolowczak
Date: 2/19/2000
Subj: To “Kelly”

Is this a real site for the X-men movie or are you just making fun of this possibly great movie?

This is not a real site for X-men movie; AFAIK it has no connection with the X-men movie. I won’t guarantee that; there are about 500 pages in this site and it’s quite possible that there is some reference to it somewhere. Rest assured that I have never seen the movie and have no opinions on it. However I can make some up if you like.

PS: Do browse around my site; you might find something you like.

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From: Milamename
Date: 2/19/2000
Subj: Comment

I think your site is a bunch of B.S. I have never ben to a stupider site in my entire time on the internet. You people must know your idiots trying to brainwash people. no one takes you serously, or I hope to god no one takes you serously.

Thank you for the considered, enthusiastic endorsement. One of the things that I do is to run an annual contest for the flakiest letter of the year. Let me congratulate you on being early in the running.
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From: “Sheila Stephens”
Date: 2/20/2000
Subj: ???

What is this all about? Is it some spoof or somethin?

What is what about? My site has all sorts of stuff on it including spoofs, scholarly articles, lots of jokes, and any other damn thing that it pleases me to write about. Why do you ask?
Note: This showed up before I learned about the mutantwatch link.
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From: iamsaint
Date: 2/19/2000
Subj: wtf is your pages about?

why are they connected to x-men ,movie .com?

is it a joke or something because I dont understand

You got me boss. What makes you think it is connected to the x-men movie?

… continued on next rock …

Go check it out at its connected to your pages, somethng about mutations and stuff.

I thoiught it was apart of the movie thing…

Thanks – I’ve tracked it down. They put in links to real articles that had relevant titles.

… continued on next rock …

Ahh I see, so what is your pages all about? and how does it connext to the xmen??

It doesn’t connect to the xmen – the movie connected to me because they thought that “Are Mutations Harmful?” was a neat title; at least that’s what I imagine they thought.

As to what my pages are about; they are about whatever happens to amuse or interest me. Mostly it is a large collection of jokes, sundry fiction and poetry, scholarly essays, essays and other material 90 degrees out from reality, and personal reminisces. The page you stumbled into is a semi-scholarly article designed to address a claim often raised by creationists (who probably don’t watch x-men) that all mutations are harmful and therefore evolution is impossible.

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From: Nathan Sanders
Date: 2/20/2000
Subj: X-MEN

I would just like to know if all the cast members fo x-men the movie have been finalised, if not i would like you to think about me for a possible positoit as X-MAN/ Nathaniel Summers. I have always been a fan of the x-men and have seen every episode. my name is Nathan Sanders please reply to [email protected] . Thank-you.

While I wish you the best in your theatrical ambitions I regret to inform you that neither I nor my site has anything to do with the x-men. They included a link to my page because they liked the page title.
… continued on next rock …

I would just like to thank-you for your prompt return of the message I sent you. All I have to say is that it is no wonder that they linked it to your page because it does have a rather impresive title I must admit. Once again thank-you, I would also like it if we could keep in contact. If possible could you send me any new info about the x-men movie. Now for a change of topic if you have ever read David Eddings’ series, the Balgarid etc., now there is something that should be made into a series or a move. Well hope to hear from you soon,

I can’t blame them; the title fits right in with the movie advertising and “mutantwatch” is clever. I don’t have any further info about the movie; I expect the movie site will have it as it comes out.

Yes, I’ve read the Belgariad and the Mallorean. I don’t think it would do as a movie – it’s much too long winded. It might do as a TV series though. I wonder who they would get to play Polgara.

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From: Jonathan Ramsdell
Date: 2/21/2000
Subj: Web site

I have to admit that I am absolutely blown away by your web site (s). I found it through the User Friendly site – — and just kept reading. It’s been an hour already, and there’s still much more to see, and many links left to visit.

It is, by the way, a pleasure to read a site that is well-written. Obviously, you are fairly erudite. Erudition and articulation seem to be in short supply on the Web these days. I appreciate your command of the Mother Tongue. Perhaps Senator Kelly could raise the issue of how mutants denigrate human intellectual thought processes through the “ongoing, calculated misuse of the English language in our media.” As you well know, the Web is rife with poorly written sites; the Senator should take umbrage at this blatant assault!

I assume you find it indirectly via the link. My web site has gotten a surprising amount of traffic in consequence and a certain amount of interesting mail. Your letter is a delightful exception to the usual which runs more like, and I quote in full:
X-men rule! You are sick
I appreciate your kind comments. I am with you in your thoughts on the misuse of the English language; Senator Kelly, however, would be quite unwise to attack the “ongoing, calculated misuse of the English language in our media.” It is the rule for political opportunists to attack the minority and not the majority. The besides of which, I fear the audience for the movie (which the page is designed to promote) would quite rightly take offense.

In any event I hope you find that my pages provide you many hours of happy reading. It is, as the home page says, a junk heap. There is something there for almost everyone.

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Date: 2/20/2000
Subj: (no subject)

Was this site endorsed by the KKK?

Offhand, it seems highly unlikely. Which page inspired your question?
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From: Richard Todd
Date: 3/5/2000
Subj: to human or mutant type

In my ordeal of the subject , I say leave mutants alone. Just because they have powers that other humans don’t doesn;t mean they are not human. They bleed like us , they have feelings just like us. When I saw this posted on my e-mail, it looked like a joke then I thought it was a promo for the X-Men film. But if this is real stick it, and leave mutants alone you can fear them or you can join us.

I’m a mutant and I like it the only thing I can do is see ghosts, and to detect others like me. You can’t stop evolution………..

Dear mutant,

You are confused. My web site has nothing to do with either the X-men movie or the mutantwatch site. You will be pleased to know that you are a candidate for my “Flakiest letter of the year” award.

… continued on next rock …

As of letters on line, they should be real. I’ve been looking into the fake letter and discovered some truth after all. Kelly is a real man and in our time, but here’s the catch as I looked over his records it seems he is a killer. So be careful of what you write, I like to fool people too when I feel up to it.This how ever isn’t. By the way ‘nice joke’ but a kid may stumble onto it and take it very litery.

Dear Person,

I take it that you still haven’t figured out that my website has nothing to do with the x-men or the Senator Kelly website. It doesn’t. I appreciate your comments though, particularly your idiosyncratic version of English grammar and spelling. My readers, I suspect, will appreciate it even more.

… continued on next rock …

I have found that Americans don’t know the true english gramer.I’m not saying that your not english but I do look for the right letters in the words. I might be different but not to different.

Perhaps you look for the right letters in words but you do seem to have some difficulty finding them. Thus the correct spelling is “grammar” and not “gramer”. Likewise “your not” should have been “you’re not” and “not to” should have been “not too”. “english” should have been capitalized. The usage, “the words”, is a barbarism. There are indeed differences between American English and English English but they are relatively minor, despite the mot of Professor Higgins. I have no idea as to whether you are passing yourself off as being English or American; your clarity of expression is quite in accordance with your mastery of spelling and punctuation.
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From: Gary Moore
Date: 3/9/2000
Subj: Mutants

What the hell is going on? Where are the X-Men? What is all this scientific bs?

Dear mutant,

Be advised that the link that you followed is not part of the X-men movie site. The X-men people put in the link because they liked the page title.

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From: “pamela”
Date: 3/13/2000
Subj: what is this?

i saw a link to your hp from x-men the movie so i thought i might check it out….. so i went to …are you guys for real or this is part of the movie? is part of the movie promotion. My site, however, has nothing to do with either; it’s totally unrelated. They just happened to include a link to one of my pages because they liked the title.
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From: Mike Dilts
Date: 3/24/2000
Subj: me being a mutant

Dear senator kelly.

My name is Mike Dilts And I’m a mutant and proud to be one if you have a prob. with that then tell it to all the evil mutants that are roaming the planet. I’m here to stop the evil mutants.

You have reached Richard Harter who is not in any way associated with Senator Kelly. Senator Kelly provided a link to one of my pages because we scientists study mutants and mutations. We are in need of experimental subjects and it sounds as though you would do nicely. I have a few questions though: What is your threshold to pain? Do you drool a lot? Do you have a sentimental attachment to the left half of your brain? Finally, do you have green hair?
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From: Victor Hugo Pedrollo Cani
Date: 3/25/2000

I’m a power mutant and I go dominated the world!


Regrettably, most major mutations produce seriously defective individuals. You appear to be one of those cases.
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From: Phillywin
Date: 3/22/2000
Subj: you suck

hey man

mutants don’t hurt anyone they help especially the x-men.geez

Dear Mutant,

As you may not have noticed my site has nothing to do with Your fantasies are your own affair but may I suggest that you get a closer grip on reality? It works wonders, they say.

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From: HAVOK152
Date: 3/21/2000
Subj: i believe…

i believe that they are harmful to my society and myself.

How about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy? Do you have an opinion on them also?
… continued on next rock …

you know, i think i do

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From: Tim Saunders
Date: 4/8/2000
Subj: X-MenMovie/CreationismFAQ

As a scientist and a Christian I find your bash on creationism science in very poor taste, especially since the majority of viewers to the site will be childern. It takes alot more faith to beleive the evolution myth then it does to beleive that the universe, life on Earth, and Man were created by some outside force,i.e. God. Anyone with a cusory knowledge of physics and the 2nd. Law of Thermodynamics knows that evolution is impossible. There isn’t enough time or chance to make it happen.

Think that I’m just one of the few scientist out there that holds this view? guess again, even Stephen Hawking in his famous space-time theorem of general relativity categorically states that the Universe must have a causitive agent or Causer. Many others like Hoyle, Einstein, Newton, Hubble, Pascal and many more all beleived in a Supreme Being as the Creative agent in the universe, any of those names sound familar? If you’re at all interested in getting at the truth of the issue I recommend looking at the or web sites. Though these sites are Christian and you may therefore consider them biased, their summaries are based on research published in peer-review journals not just opinion.

The Senator Kelly page is well done which is why the “creationistFAQ” link bothers me so much, some kids may think it’s real and you haven’t given creationism, or science for that matter a fair chance.

My site has nothing to do with the X-men movie of the site; they simply included a link to my page because they liked the page title. I’ve gotten a lot of strange mail in consequence.

As a general rule I do not argue creationism and evolution in private email; there are public venues for that. However I will make a few comments here.

The “Creationism FAQ” is humor, a satire on common creationist reasoning. I am sorry that it offends you but I stand by it. Indeed, if you are right that it might persuade some unsuspecting youth that creationism is silly, I count that all to the good.

There are many fine people, even people with sharp intellects, who are creationists. None-the-less creationism is an intellectual disorder, one that is more or less peculiar to the United States, and one that is dangerous in that it thrives on and promotes intellectual dishonesty. It also is ultimately damaging to Christianity.

You say you are a Christian and I believe you. You say you are a scientist – that I take with a grain of salt (although in fact there are scientists who are also creationists, albeit almost none are biologists or geologists) – and yet you advance without a qualm the sleaziest of arguments. The 2nd law of thermodynamics argument is twaddle. The argument from authority is (X and Y believed in a Supreme being) is little better. If you ask me to believe that you are making these arguments speaking as a scientist then I say to you, “Sir, you are no scientist. Your words convict you.”

Be all of that as it may, I thank you for writing.

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From: metcher
Date: 2/29/2000
Subj: mutants

do mutants have a temper? do they ever hurt somebody? are they smarter just pretend to be? can they exist in a normal setting without being noticed? thank you answer my questions please? [email protected]

You’ve reached the author of a serious page about mutations. In answer to your question: Everybody in the world has some mutations; you, I, and everybody else is a mutant.

The X-men, on the other hand, are fiction.

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From: NstarXO
Date: 3/3/2000
Subj: The mutant question

Please, leave mutants the f~*$, alone!

The person you have reached has nothing to do with mutantwatch or the x-men movie.

Avoid reality; it is not your thing.

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From: “Donald K.M. Sparrow”
Date: 2/28/2000
Subj: I think I seena mutant!

My friend Aylwin got this really weird haircut, and at home, with his Chinese family he speaks some kind of weird moon man language. I think he is a mutant, am I right? DOn Sparrow

He isn’t but you are.
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From: Heather Kamp
Date: 2/26/2000
Subj: Are you guys for real?

This isn’t a real study is it? Or the senator Kelly website? Its just a joke right? Please e-mail me back with an explanation.

The Senator Kelly website is a joke, put together as a promotion for the x-men movie. My website has nothing to do with the movie; the page entitled “Are mutations harmful” is a serious expository article which has nothing to do with the movie. The x-men movie people linked to it because they liked the title.

PS: The X-men are fiction; the “science” in the x-men is fantasy.

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From: James D Boles
Date: 2/21/2000
Subj: this is wrong!

If you want to look at it this way, then all of mankind are mutants. If there were no mutations, we would not evolve. We would all look the same and that would suck. And where do you draw the line at mutations? some normal 12 year old kid who can beat the best chess players in the world sounds just as super human as some one shooting purple rays out of their eyes!

I saw a mutant who had no powers, no extra strength or any thing of that nature, yet he was hated and feared, his mutation was a thin coat of fur all over his body. Because of this he was asked to with draw from my high school. He refused. He was then harassed and eventually beaten to death by 5 upper class men. They got in no trouble, They claimed he attacked them(he was 5’3 and 125 lbs!!None of the boys were under 6 ft tall!!)and they got off scott free. why don’t you try to teach mutants that with their great power also comes great responsibility. and make a place for them in socitey. we would probley do better as a race then.

You are confused. The Senator Kelly page is a gag page designed to promote the x-men movie. My page, which you evidently responded to and presumably did not read, is a serious article about the role of mutations in evolution. Repeat after me: The X-men are fiction and have nothing to do with reality. Mutations in the comics are fiction.
… continued on next rock …

sorry I meant it as a joke I thought your page was part of the kelly page

No problem. I’ve been getting a lot of strange mail lately.
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From: hegbon
Date: 2/23/2000
Subj: About these Mutants subject matter

I may be a human being but I’d like to say this, IS THIS A JOKE?

If it’s not, I’d like to add that I disagree with this movement, U ppl would like u want to eliminate all mutants, regardless whether their good or bad.

And as for this passage “Senator Kelly is a tireless advocate, a crusader who has dedicated himself to safeguarding our Creator’s original vision, a vision that is now imperiled by lethal and degenerate individuals among us. ” Well, our creator;s original vision was for Adam and Eve to take care of the garden of Eden. The Creator’s original vision was for all man kind to live in peace and follow the way of the Bible. And hey, these mutants might have a religion too, maybe a religion they same as what we have, is it a crime to be a mutant? DO YOU THINK THEY WANT TO BE MUTANTS? They became mutants genetically because of Mankind has done with the environment. Did the Creator ask u to elimate ur enemies? He said “LOVE THY FOE” I admit, there could be evil mutants around too, but they are just as equal to criminals in the country, they too are evil, why point out he mutants?????!!!!! Just because they are different doesn’t mean they are bad, seen the elephant man? See how the ppl laughed and mocked at him? HE TOO HAS FEELINGS U KNOW.

U say u are following the Creator’s vision, did the Creator say Whites are beter than Blacks? NO. Did he say Humans are better than Mutants? I DON’T THINK SO. U make these mutants sound like pest, how about putting yourself into their shoes? How would u feel to be left out? U are innocent and you have nothing to do with those evil mutants whu terrorise ppl’s lives, yet u too are blamed for it JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A MUTANT. Think about it, JUST THIN ABOUT IT, there wouldn’t be genetically mutated frogs in swamps if it wernt for the waste ppl dump into the waters, U think there mutants were naturally formed? And even if they were naturally form, U HAVE NO RIGHT TO BLAME THEM FOR IT, it’s like saying “Y must i have spastic looking hair while others have cool hairstyles?” Is it your fault? NO, it’s just the way u have grown. I just want to tell u now that this movement is for all the wrong reasons, if u think u have a good reason to carry on this movement, mail them to me, and i’ll bomb u right back in the face.

God Created all things, he could have created mutants too, mutants too have a will to choose right and wrong, some chose to be good, other went ahead and be bad…but U DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO PUT SUCH MATTERS INTO UR OWN HANDS.

Sir or Madam as the case may be;

You should get a better grip on reality. The Senator Kelly page is fiction, advertisement for the X-men movie. X-men are fiction. My page, “Are mutations harmful?”, is science fact and has nothing to do with the movie whatsoever.

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From: Peter Verhaart
Date: 2/21/2000
Subj: Mutants

When I showed Senator Kelly’s Home Page to my friend Paul, he took the test, which led him to type the following admission or confession, if you like. Unfortunately I could not find Senator Kelly’s Email address, so I hope that you will kindly forward it to him. Paul is anxiously awaiting counseling from Senator Kelly’s party. Here follows Paul’s confession.

Dear Senator Kelly,

This afternoon I had the good fortune to be guided to your Web site. After having done the test, I became convinced of what my wife had long suspected and everything fell into place.

I am a Mutant.

Many times, after witnessing peculiar behaviour on my part, she used to suggest I was an Alien. I was not convinced and replied that perhaps I should have been born a horse. Even that did not completely satisfy me or put my mind at rest.

I am so happy that now at last we have confirmation about my origins. I have been told I was born out of the union of a General Practitioner and a Neurologist, and that the birth took place in the sick bay of a mental institution. In hindsight an unlikely story that should have aroused immediate suspicion.

I was a precocious child, I didn�t like school but I could read at an early age. In my sixth year I developed an affinity for snakes, a few years later I also developed a similar affinity for cats. According to several witnesses, both cats and snakes would converge on me when exploring the countryside and I would establish a close report with these life forms. Before my tenth year I was in correspondence with prominent herpetologists and was able to supply many particulars about the habits of several species of snakes.

Now, in later life, I think I have managed to hide most of my pecularities. I do remember, however, that my wife remarked more than once that she felt as if some external force was assisting her when she was slicing a loaf of home baked bread, whenever I directed a razor sharp look at the loaf.

Let me at this place express my feelings of relief, dear Senator, that you have entered on this campaign. It could not have happened anywhere else than in the USA, with its many good Godfearing people who, in addition cherish high Family Values, coupled to a high degree of Patriotism.

If you don�t mind my saying so, and you must take this as the highest compliment, I think you must be a clone of the great and late Senator Joseph McCarthy. I hope you will be even more succesful.

Your respectful,
Paul C. User.

Sorry old bean, my page has nothing to do with the Kelly home page – they just stuck in a link to a real science page because the page title sounded good.

Your letter will definitely go in my correspondence pages though.

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From: CJB82926
Date: 2/21/2000
Subj: Mutants

When does the movie open?

This is an unrelated site. Please pay attention to what page you are on when you click an email button. In answer to your question, though, it opens in July.
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From: harry wilson
Date: 2/22/2000
Subj: links itself to you, so you MUST know a lot about the Xmen and the upcoming Xmen movie. You must. Logic dictates this.

Tell me straight: in the upcoming Xmen movie, does Giraffe-Boy destroy the town of JammJammVille? Tell me of the liver component in dioxyribonucleaicacid! Give me Junior Mints!

Or don’t. Either way, thats ok.

But you MUST know a lot about comics. Because the site links itself to yours. That means you MUST know a lot about the fictional mutant world of Marvel Comics.

It also means my name CANNOT be Ramses.

I like your logic. All I can say is the duck because the radio was off.
Sorry. This was a silly letter, mocking letters you may be receiving.
You’ve got that right. I was fond of the chap who was asking he could play a part in the movie.
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From: RangerPL1
Date: 4/4/2000
Subj: Concerning me!!!!!!!!!

I don’t think of myself as a mustants, I like to think of myself as a Super Human!!!!

In a comic strip you might be. I’d worry more about how you stack up in real life if I were you.
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From: Denise M P Figueiredo
Date: 4/11/2000
Subj: Senator Kelly

Fuck Senator Kelly and the Monitoring Mutants Program 2000!

I shall leave that up to you, love. He’s not my type at all.

Richard H.

… continued on next rock …
I thought I had seen everything, BUT: a mutation control program that has a controller who jokes about its own candidate… Oh dear.
Sorry, I should have been more explicit. My site has nothing whatsoever to do with the X-men movie site or with the “Senator Kelly” site. The latter, by the way, is a hoax constructed by the X-men movie people. The links that they give in the links page are not part of the gag. They just picked them because they liked the titles. My page, “Are mutations harmful?”, is a science fact page.

Quite a few people besides yourself have followed that link and sent email to me under the assumption that they were sending it to the mythical Senator Kelly. Some of the email is very strange indeed.

… continued on next rock …
1) Honey, I forgot to ask what your type is. I look much better than Senator Kelly – that by the way looks like Ken, Barbie’s boyfriend, with glasses on…
Female, breathing, panting heavily is good.
2) I had two beers last evening, and since mutations have a very low alcohol resistence level, I have no idea how on earth (solar system?) I got to the site of the X-Men or yours at all.
Works for me.
3) If Senator Kelly is a hoax constructed by the X-men, you may as well be one too.
I tried. They won’t have me. Something about too weird …
4) Mutations? Isn’t everyone a mutation? Is this Blade Runner or 1984?
Everybody has a few mutations, yep.
5) I’m sure you’re receiving odd stuff.
Count on it.
6) It’s the first time I ever saw any written piece signed under “cheerily”…
Sad, isn’t it. Nobody is happy about what they write.
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Date: 4/11/2000
Subj: I think I`m a mutant

What can I do to help human activity?
what do I do

Take two aspirin and call your doctor in the morning.
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From: Lisa Lam
Date: 4/12/2000
Subj: i am the real WOLVERINE

i shoulda been the 1 2play in the x-men movie as Wolverine. if new that the aud. was in toronto i whatta flone there. before the movie came i talked 2 the secretary of stan lee that i am the perfect person 2 ply wolvie. i hav hair all over my body not like the actor that havs none. my temper is just like wolvies’s 2. good luck w/ the movie.

yours truly,
the real WOLVERINE!!

I have some bad news for you. My site has nothing to do with the movie or with The other bit of bad news is that you are not a wolverine; you are a hedgehog with an attitude problem.
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From: “D Vassar”
Date: 4/13/2000
Subj: Not all Mutants are Harmful

I have seen the power that nature posses! To deny the purpose is to deny the existance of everything! There are many different mutations in flowers, animals and they are believed to be a beutiful creation. Why do you punish humans? Are you afraid of what human kind will become?

Dear mutant,

As you may not have noticed, my site has nothing to do with May I suggest to you that you not be quite so gullible in the future? Senator Kelly and his crusade is a hoax, constructed as a promotion for the X-men movie.

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From: Brian Melton
Date: 4/13/2000
Subj: Mutantwatch


Well, I was going to write and ask someone to congratulate the marketing department on a stroke of brilliance with the Mutant Watch website, particularly, the mutant registry bit. Instead, I have to register my disapproval of the “Creationism FAQ”, which, after a brief persual, proved to be an idiotic misrepresentation of the position. I hate that you have to mar an otherwise brilliant enterprise by embarassing yourselves with that drivel.

Oh, and, by the way, I’m willing to back up my position with more than just “the Bible says so” to any of you who may care to ask. But I won’t waste my time writing a reasoned response that won’t be read. There is also something to be said for not dignifying your FAQ with a reply. Still, if anyone actually reads this and really thinks they hold the upper hand, bring it on.

Brian Melton

My site has nothing to do with the mutantwatch site; they just chose to add a link to it because they liked the page title, “Are mutations harmful?” which happens to be a serious exposition for the layman of what mutations and their effects actually are.

The creationism FAQ page is another page on my site. As you possibly have realized it is a satire on the sort of reasoning that many creationists exhibit.

By policy I do not argue creationism with correspondents; there are public venues for that. In particular, the usenet newsgroup is a suitable place for arguing the issue. I will say, however, that Creationism, at least Young Earth Creationism which interprets Genesis literally, is intellectually pernicious and a disservice to Christianity.

On the other hand I do like your web site.

… continued on next rock …

It seems that in my haste I have done you a disservice. I was just flipping through and had figured that your site was just another of their creations for the effect they wanted. As such, I didn’t spent any time looking elsewhere, as I thought it would be more of the same. I do heartily apologize and ask your forgiveness for my curt e-mail.

No problem. Quite a few people have made the same assumption. Let me assure you that your letter was a model of sanity and literacy in comparison with many other letters I have received through the link.
I, too, tend towards an old earth creation view, and if you had been what I thought you were, I figured I was about to deal with the same stereo types you poked at in your satire. Thank you for you compliments on my site. I haven’t been able to spend much time on it at all since hitting grad school, but I hope what is there is useful.
That’s the way it goes; one has a life or one has an active web site. I have an active web site.
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Date: 3/8/2000
Subj: screw u

i aint no freakin alien you guys are completeley stupid oh by the way kelly suks this is mutant Nicholas Vannoy

Dear person,

I regret to inform you that your command of written English is not all that it should be. The first letter of a sentence should be capitalized. Your text is one large run on sentence; it should be broken up into four sentences. Proper names, e.g., Kelly, should be capitalized. “Suks” should be spelled “sucks”. The “oh” should either be deleted or “by the way” should be offset by commas. If you are going to use the colloquial “aint” you should include the apostrophe, e.g., “ain’t”. The correct spellings for “freakin” and “completeley” are “freaking” and “completely”.

Your English teacher will be notified.

I do admire your ability to include so many errors of usage in so few words.

I also regret to inform you that you are quite confused about links on the web. The website that you sent your email to has nothing whatsoever to do with

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From: Critios
Date: 3/12/2000

Exelent site on the development stages of Mutants…Do think you need a disclosure though, unless you want some real idiotic people possibly thinking this to be a factual site….let them know it’s fiction…=)

Paul Leis

Sorry, Paul, you’ve missed noticing the URL’s. My pages have nothing to do with the X-men or You are quite right; there are a lot of people who take the mutantwatch site seriously. I get many strange letters in consequence.
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From: Judge Hensley
Date: 3/19/2000
Subj: Hi

Please tell me you are joking about all of this mutation garbag-its just part of the movie hype

I don’t have anything to do with the movie or the page. Senator Kelly and his crusade are part of the movie hype.
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From: Devin T. O’Hara
Date: 4/2/2000
Subj: Hi

you crazy

No, me Richard; you Devin.
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From: TheBeff
Date: 3/14/2000
Subj: Wait a sec

Is this real? I mean is Senetor Kelly real? Cause im pretty sure its not

FYI I have nothing to do with; that site just happens to have a link to my pages. It must be said that Senator Kelly and his crusade has a certain aroma of unreality. Pity.

… continued on next rock …

i think irelized that about 5 sec. after i sent thew email. You believe in mutants though?

As in the X-men? No. It’s fantasy. Actually the whole idea of mutants as in the comics is a throw back to ideas about evolution that were current in the very early 1900’s before they knew how genetics worked.
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From: webteam
Date: 4/15/2000
Subj: I am a mutant

I’m not a bad person just because i have special abilites others dont so STOP FUCKING PICKING ON ME AND MY PEOPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Illiterate,

You evidently do have special powers. In the East you learned the mystic power to cloud your mind.

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From: novagene
Date: 4/17/2000
Subj: love it

I love your brain droppings!
Am I a mutant?
My name is Novagene.
What do you think?

Are you a mutant? Certainly, but I won’t tell on you.
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From: “Ben Wenger” ([email protected])
Date: 4/23/2000
Subj: mutations

watch it

Will do but what does “it” look like. Is it round and green? Bigger than a bread basket? Have long floppy ears? These are things that dedicated “it” watchers need to know.
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Date: 3/5/2000
Subj: I think I’m a mutant

I think I’m a mutant. I took the test and it said I was. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Sue your mother for passing on bad genes. You can collect in small claims court.
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From: gelows
Date: 4/30/2000
Subj: Mutants are humans like us

Why do you hate mutants?

Hate mutants? Not me, I love mutants, particularly roasted on a spit and served with Jalapeno sauce.

By the way, you might pay attention to where you are sending email to; this isn’t the X-men movie site and it isn’t the Senator Kelly site which is a promotional gimmick for the movie.

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From: Archangel0812
Date: 4/30/2000
Subj: I’m a mutant

hello, i’m a mutant and i would like to know what i coald do to get some help.

The good news is that the League of Justice for Mutants will help you if you can reach them in time. The bad news is that Senator Kelly will get you first if he finds out about you. By all means don’t send any email revealing yourself.

The really bad news is that we’ve got a trace on where you live.

Bye, bye, Mutant.

PS: This site has nothing to do with the X-men movie. The mutantwatch web site is a promotional hoax for the movie.

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From: Jordan1mm
Date: 4/29/2000
Subj: I need help

I can experience thing’s before they happen, also when a Person is a long distance I can visualize them coming to me. I can also sometimes see through things that are solid like walls, also everytime a cat comes to me I hear a awful screechy noise in my head and at night my temperature rises really high and when I splash water in my face I don’t really seem to cool down.

Can You HELP Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Probably not. If, as I suspect, you have a juvenile sense of humor then the only cure is growing up. That will happen with time. If, on the other hand, you are serious I suggest that you see your doctor.
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From: Arny Morales
Date: 5/3/2000
Subj: I’m a mutant…….

At 11:30 AM 05/03/2000 EDT, you wrote: Hi… my name is Jezino, and i happend to cross your page. Then it hit me, all those question’s kind of struck a bell!!! Could i be a mutant. It sounded crazy at first, but then again, it might not. There is a lot of crap the government does’nt tell us. So i have reason to believe that I might be along with many others, to be mutants. Unlike the x-men, i dont carry a ” codename “, i’m just me, jezino, but only with some altered attributes… temperature goes up and down, as i approach other people, also i have a high STAMINA, and I can characterize a person’s personality. For some reason i can…..dont ask why. It just happends. So maybe your web page is a joke. But, if you stop and think about it, on a serious thought. what if? what if Jezino is telling the truth? I carry a GPA of 4.0 i know i’m not some stupid kid who is trying to be dumb… maybe i am?

One thing that you are is someone who doesn’t pay attention to what site you are sending email to. The Senator Kelly “mutantwatch” web site is, as you have figured out, a hoax promoting the X-men movie.

You, me, and everybody is a mutant in the sense that we have a few mutations. That doesn’t mean we have super-powers. Mutations don’t give you super powers; all they do is make you a little bit different from everybody else.

… continued on next rock …

hehehehe……..i know, i was just pulling your leg dude. It sounded pretty real though didn’t it. About the whole mutation thing. I know mutations probably do accur. You’re right, it doesn’t give you any extra or super powers, i know that. Bute never say never!!!!! heheheheh………oh i also applaud your web-site, it’s pretty goood.

Thanks for writing, Arny Morales

I figured you were pulling my leg – you and quite a few other people. You will appear in my “mutant letters” column along with the rest of them.
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This page was last updated June 13, 2000.
It was reformatted and relocated April 10, 2005

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