table of contents
November 2000

Correct your language

TO:All Employees
FROM:Human Resources
SUBJECT:Foul Language
DATE:February 28, 2000

It has been brought to management’s attention that individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of “TRY SAYING” new phrases has been provided so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner, without risk the of offending our more sensitive employees.

TRY SAYING Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF No fucking way
INSTEAD OF You’ve got to be shitting me!
TRY SAYING Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF Tell someone who gives a shit.
TRY SAYING Of course I’m concerned.
INSTEAD OF Ask me if I give a shit.
TRY SAYING I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF It’s not my fucking problem.
TRY SAYING That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF What the fuck?
TRY SAYING I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF This shit won’t work.
TRY SAYING I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF Why the hell didn’t you tell me sooner?
TRY SAYING Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF Who the hell cares?
TRY SAYING He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF He’s got his head up his ass.
TRY SAYING Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF Eat shit and die.
TRY SAYING So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF Kiss my ass.
TRY SAYING I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF Fuck it, I’m on salary.
TRY SAYING I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF Shove it up your ass.
TRY SAYING I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF This job sucks.
TRY SAYING Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF Another fucking meeting!
TRY SAYING I don’t think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF I really don’t give a shit.
TRY SAYING He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF He’s a prick.
TRY SAYING She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF She’s a ball-busting bitch.
TRY SAYING I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.

Thank You,
Human Resources

This page was last updated November 3, 2000.

table of contents
November 2000