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Applying Intelligent Design to the Theory of Pregnancy
by Erik Lumberjack

Hello fellow members,

My name is Erik Lumberjack. I’m founder and chief scientist of the recently formed Intelligent Gestation Institute. Our goal is apply insights gained from Intelligent Design to combat the current Theory of Pregnancy, i.e., that humans develop gradually from a sperm and egg. Our FAQs below provide more details.

Thank you, and best regards, Eric Lumberjack


Thank you for teaching Intelligent Design alongside the Theory of Evolution. Our children deserve to hear multiple viewpoints.

I’m concerned, though, that only one Theory of Pregnancy is currently being taught.

Namely, that humans develop in gradual stages from an initial sperm and egg. First looking like a salmon, and then a lizard, and only after long and slow development finally resembling a human.

As founder and chief scientist of the Intelligent Gestation Institute, I request that equal time be given to Intelligent Gestation, an alternative approach that is gaining increasing support within the scientific community.

These are key points regarding Intelligent Gestation for your reference.


Question: Then why does the mother’s stomach get bigger?
Answer: Scientific studies have shown that it’s impossible for human breasts alone to hold the amount of milk required to nurture infants. That’s why the body gradually prepares by storing milk in the mothers’ stomach. Scientific evidence of this can be seen by observing cows.

Question: But sonograms show pictures of developing infants, don’t they?
Answer: Experiments have shown that ultrasound equipment creates sound waves that cause milk to curdle. So medical staff are creating these images, and then the very same staff are interpreting the images that they themselves created. This can hardly be called scientific.

Question: Then where do babies come from?
Answer: Let’s not base conclusions on anecdotes, but look at the case for which we have the most recorded evidence. When the key figure of human history was born, textual research has shown that he was begotten as son when a dove descended from the heavens. More than 2,000 original texts agree on this point, many of them dating back to several years from the original event, when eye witnesses were still living. In addition to this, the past 2,000 years of historical observation have also taught us where babies come from. The stork — which the genome project has just recently proven to be of the same ovarian family, genus and phyla as the dove. The probability of this coincidence occurring by chance alone has been calculated at less than 1 over a number so large that it is greater than the number of subatomic particles in the entire state of Arkansas.

Question: Is Intelligent Gestation faith based?
Answer: No. Unlike the Theory of Pregnancy, it is based on observable and testable scientific fact.

Please contact us if you would like more details, or free samples of the textbooks that we are preparing for your school use.

Thank you, and best regards,

Erik Lumberjack
Founder and Chief Scientist
Intelligent Gestation Institute

Web site:
Alternate site:
Contact info: [email protected]


Question: But why does the mother’s stomach get smaller immediately after childbirth?
Answer: When the infant arrives, the milk transfers from the mother’s stomach to the mother’s breasts in preparation for breast feeding. How else could a mother feed her child? We challenge scientists to provide us with one example where a mother has breast fed her child from her stomach.

Question: But I’ve seen photos of children being born directly from their mothers.
Answer: Photos can be retouched. But more importantly, why are you looking down there?

Question: Delivery rooms are sealed off. How could a stork or dove get in?
Answer: Ships are made of reinforced steel, but mice have entered them for centuries. We challenge scientists to produce one example of a ship without a mouse.

Question: I’ve been in delivery rooms and never seen a stork or dove. Answer: Absence of evidence of stork is not evidence of absence of stork. We don’t notice mice either, but one day we open our refrigerator door and notice the cheese is missing. The result speaks for itself.

Question: But I’ve seen an egg cell divide in science class after being joined by a sperm.
Answer: Imagine that you’re an egg and a sperm collides with you at the equivalent of 2,000 kilometers per hour. You would divide as well.

Question: Does this mean that you’re not opposed to stem cell research?
Answer: We are not opposed, but our scientists don’t expect viable medical applications. Any experiments done on stem cells would surely only be applicable to similar plants with similar stems.

Question: Why is the Intelligent Gestation Institute speaking out at this time?
Answer: If our children are taught in school that humans develop in their mothers’ wombs from something that looks like a catfish, and then a gecko, and then a reces monkey, and finally a human, it’s not a small step for them to believe later on that man evolved from ape. This reduces humans to something purely physical and degrades our worth as spiritual beings. If our children believe they descended from heaven, they will try to act heavenly. But how will our children act if they are taught they come from come? How will they be encouraged to act morally? To be honest, our scientists are disappointed that the Intelligent Design community has thrown in the towel so readily on this very important issue.

Question: Would you be willing to debate Richard Dawkins on this issue?
Answer: It would look good on his resume, but we’re not so sure about ours. We would consider such an opportunity, but must take care not to elevate his theories to appear to have the achieved the status of true science.

Question: What are the academic qualifications of the scientists at your institute? We’ve been told that your chief research scientist has a B.Sc. degree from the Livestock University of Kentucky with a major in roast beef and a minor in mashed potatoes.
Answer: That is completely unfounded and we’re disappointed that the secular press has stooped to using add homily arguments to try to discredit us.

Question: In summary, is there any decisive evidence that you can give us?
Answer: It basically comes down to this. Which is more likely, that we developed in our mothers’ wombs through an unimaginably large number of intermediate stages and then due to purely physical forces and blind chance ended up as human beings that are fine tuned to an order of magnitude of 10 to the 1,000th power, or that we’re a bundle from heaven? Ocam’s razor makes the Answer more than obvious. Let me give an example. Let’s say you’re walking on a beach and find a baby wrapped in a blanket on the sand. Which is more likely, that an intelligent being left the baby there, or that someone came on the beach? People that make extraordinary claims must provide extraordinary evidence to support those claims. The burden of proof lies with them, not us. Our Institute is prepared to offer $100,000 to anyone who will pop a nut on national TV and form something as intricate as the human eye from sperm. And anyways, if humans developed in their mothers’ wombs from something that looked like a catfish, how come you don’t see catfish walking among us today and giving interviews on TV?

This page was last updated August 28, 2010.
Copyright © 2010 by Erik Lumberjack

Richard Harter’s World
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