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March 2005

The scripture according to Baron Gaston LeCroix III

This bit of fluff is from APA:NESFA 90, November 1977. “Mark” was Mark Keller, regrettably deceased. “George” was George Flynn, also regrettably deceased. Chip was Chip Hitchcock, happily not deceased. I am not quite certain what all of this was about but I don’t suppose it matters.

In those days(1) there dwelt a powerful tribe in the land of the bean(2) and they were called NESFANS. And Mark saw that they lived in darkness for they knew not Mark. And Mark said unto his brethren(3), “I shall depart into the land of the NESFANS and preach wisdom therein.

And his brethren said unto Mark, “Leave us not, for we delight in your wisdom and bask in your smile(4).

And Mark said unto them, “Fear not, for my words shall be with you always(5).”

And Mark went into the land of the NESFANS and he preached wisdom and Corflu(6). And those who loved wisdom rejoiced in his words an sought his counsel. But those who sought darkness, the makers of crudzines(7), reviled and cursed his name.

And in those days a certain man came unto Mark, saying “All who love wisdom revere your name. Ye have taught, however, of the great Chip(8), whome many fear and despise. Speak not, therefore, of Chip so they(9) that now listen not may also learn of your wisdom.”

And Mark said unto him, “Get ye hence, for I know you as a minion(10) of anti-Chip. Ye bear on your brow(11) the mark of the mini-mind.” And that man departed unto the wilds of Hartford, and has not been heard of since(12).

And that evening Mark preached a powerful sermon, daying “Ye that love wisdom, love me. And ye that me, love Chip. And ye that love not Chip, love not me. And ye that love not me, love not wisdom, and shall be accursed from this day on, yea unto the seventh(13) apazine.”

  1. Scripture is notoriously vague about times.
  2. Ditto places.
  3. Although the Baron was good and wise, he was a sexist pig.
  4. Kellerism is eclectic. Much has been written about the Buddha smile of Mark.
  5. And they were, in great quantity.
  6. Recent studies have refuted the allegation that Mark was the CORFLU distributor for the East Coast.
  7. The makers of crudzines had a social status similar to that of the Eta in Japan or the untouchables in India.
  8. The Great Chip, not to be confused with the Chocolate Chip.
  9. NESFANS had mobile ears that could be shut firmly.
  10. It has been suggested that this minion of anti-Chip was schizophrenic with ten personalities. Such schizophrenics were invariably evil and were known as decimals.
  11. A very small brow.
  12. He went by twain.
  13. The first six apazines were preached by the prophet George.

    This page was created March 1, 2005.
    It was last updated September 17, 2005.

Site map
SF fandom
March 2005
Hyde County, South Dakota is the Pin Tail Duck Capital of the world. Visit scenic Highmore, SD in 2005!