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Another Damn Editorial

I like to think of these pages a source of wit, wisdom, and information for the hapless web surfer, a gentle way station of peace and tranquility in the midst of mindless graphics huckstering God knows what. I do like to think of them as that. They aren’t, of course, but I like to think of them as that. Please don’t disillusion me. I don’t think I could bear it.

Speaking of public service I came across a web page which, in its way, is a boon to humanity. In this context the term “mankind” is singularly inappropriate. I refer to For women who want to pee standing up page. For you preverts this is not a page about “water sports”. In simple explicit language it gives simple explicit instructions to women about how they can pee standing up.

Now I am not a woman. I have never been a woman. I have no expectations of ever becoming a woman. Watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show is about as close as I get to Transsexual Transsylvania. So I can’t verify the information for myself. I, er, don’t have any labia to spread.

Not being a woman I have never had to pull down sundry clothing, squat, et cetera. The male equipment is quite convenient when it comes to peeing. Open the flap, aim the one eyed worm, and let it flow. Not so for our feminine sisters. The process is much more cumbersome. So the plaint goes.

It ain’t necessarily so.

It turns out that women can expose the relevant orifice (see the web page for details – I blush to describe them), perform a bit of finger magic, and produce a stream of urine going outwards for 1-2 feet. All, mind you, without getting wet.

This information is of no personal use; I offer it solely as a public service. It does occur to me, however, that if this useful technique were more widely known it would provide a solution to that hoary conflict – should the toilet seat be left up or down. Men vote yes, that being more convenient for them. Women vote no, that being more convenient for them. (As usual, arguments from personal convenience are dressed up in persiflage.)

If women were to use this technique it would make sense to install urinals in bathrooms – urinals which both men and women could use. By having one piece of porcelain dedicated to #1, the other piece of porcelain could be dedicated to #2. Both genders would agree that the seat should be down.

So much for public service. This topic has nothing to do with the contents of this web site and is, I suppose, a good example of the nonsense that goes on around here.

This page was last updated April 28, 1998.
It was reformatted and moved May 11, 2006.

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