Medical Bloopers

Medical Bloopers From Actual Patients Medical Charts

1. “Surgery will be performed under General Anastasia.”
2. “Since she can’t conceive I’ve sent her to a futility expert.”
3. “I saw your patient yesterday, who’s still under our car for physical therapy.”
4. “There was some concern about financial matters, but the patient was told she could apply for pubic assistance.”
5. “After her last child she had her tubs tied.”
6. “Infection resulted after she pimped a few popples”
7. “Social history reveals this 1 year old patient does not smoke or drink and is presently unemployed.”
8. “Patient called and left word that he had expired last week.”
9. “When she fainted her eyes rolled around the room.”
10. “While she was in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated, and sent home.”
11. “This chubby youngster needs a slim adult to look up to as a role model.”
12. “I keep reassuring her that her memory will improve, but again today she forgot to pay her bill.”
13. “He’s a ten month old male who called on the day of admission to complain that his asthma was worse and he still has left otitis media.”
14. “Patient is to remain plastered for the next 6 to 8 weeks.”
15. “She got my instructions messed up and cut out all exercise and increased her sweets.”
16. “He’s rather sedentary and drives a bust all day.”
17. “Bleeding began in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.”
18. “I’ve asked him to call and let me know who he’s feeling this week.”
19. “Patient came in today complaining of chronic vaginal affection.”
20. “Rectal exam reveals normal-size thyroid.”
21. “His prognosis was poor, having a massive cerebral hemorrhoid.”
22. ~ “Following the exam of her breasts we discussed the impending nasal surgery.”
23. “Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized.”