But what about Friday night?

An Army captain welcomes a new recruit to a remote outpost in India. “Don’t worry about the wretched appearance of camp,” the captain says. “We manage to have a wonderful time. Today’s Wednesday, which is our gambling night. We’ll have enough poker, roulette, blackjack and slot machines for even the most hard-core gambler.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” the recruit replies. “But five years ago, I lost everything I owned during a massive gambling binge. Since then I haven’t been able to come within five feet of any game of chance.”

“That’s all right,” the captain says. “Thursday night is our whoring night, where we bring in three or four hookers for every man, and then we all have a gigantic orgy.”

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to participate in that either, sir,” the recruit admits. “I’ve got too much respect for my mother and sister to ever treat women in that manner.”

“I see,” the captain says. “I don’t mean to be blunt, but you don’t happen to be a homosexual, do you?”

“Absolutely not!” the recruit cries.

“Pity,” the captain says. “I guess you won’t enjoy Friday night either.”