Ohio Driving Rules

A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people you can cut in front of in line by passing on the right. You lose face if you hit any of the orange construction barrels.

Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Ohio driver never uses them. Use of them in Cleveland is thought to be illegal.

Under no circumstances should you leave any distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else, causing you to lose points.

The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork.

Construction signs warn you about road closures immediately after you pass the last exit before the traffic jam.

Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.

Just because you’re in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn’t mean that a true Ohio driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn’t think he can go faster in your spot.

Learn to swerve abruptly. Ohio is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to ODOT (Ohio Department of Transportation), which places potholes in various locations to test drivers’ reflexes.

It is traditional in Ohio to honk your horn at cars that don’t move the instant the light changes.

Making eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way, except in Boston, where it acts as an invitation to duel or play chicken.

Real Ohio female drivers can put on pantyhose, apply eye makeup and balance the checkbook at seventy-five miles per hour during a snowstorm in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

Real Ohio male drivers can remove girlfriend’s pantyhose and a bra at seventy-five miles per hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic during daylight hours.