You wake up…

In the rec.arts.sf.written newsgroup Phil Hunt posed the following what-if question:

You wake up in an unfamiliar bed. Then you notice your body feels different. You look around the room. The furniture is unfamiliar. On the bedside table is a calendar. Apparently todays date is “29 Juni 1941”. You get up and look in the mirror; the face of Adolf Hitler stares back at you. Surprised, you blurt out some words, and realise you can now speak German.

What do you do?

The answers were quite varied. Some people did themselves in. Others proposed to win the war for Germany whilst ameliorating the Nazi excesses. Others proposed to lose the war more quickly with less cost to the world. Here was my answer:

In keeping with the spirit of other replies I decide to conquer as much of the world as I can; winning WW2 is my interim goal. Here is my plan:

PHASE I

The Jewish Problem: This I solve with the “Return to the Homeland” program, rounding them up and shipping them to Palestine. I announce that Germany is the protector of Israel.

The Eastern Front: As others have noted a key element here is to be nice to the ethnic minorities in the USSR. I lay out an entire program of “Eastern Freedom and Self Determination”. I don’t try to beat Russia by main military force (certainly not in the winter time) but rather liberate the oppressed minorities. For internal consumption Germany is the protector and leader of European Civilization.

USA: I definitely do not want the US in the war. I pass the word to Japan that I will not support a war effort by them against the US. I pass the word to the US to beware of Japan.

Balkans: As part of the EFSD program I will break up Yugoslavia into Crotia, Bosnia, Serbia, Macedonia, et al and pull out once I have governments installed. I count on them to go happily back to slaughtering each other.

The Western Front: I propose and publicize a negotiated peace including withdrawal from France and the low countries and restored sovereignty to Poland (with some territorial adjustments, natch). I don’t expect this to fly but it’s good propaganda. More importantly, it’s a good lever to keep the US out of the war.

The Nazi Party: I concentrate on eliminating the ideologically overenthusiastic and those elements likely to be too ambitious.

The Bomb: I know enough about building atomic weapons to put my scientists on the right track. I start a crash program; my objective is to have the bomb by 1943. If all goes well Russia has collapsed, Eastern Europe is a chaos of new states under German protection, and the Western front has been a do nothing war for two years. I am now prepared to negotiate with England on considerably different terms.

In the peace of 1943 Western Europe is free of occupation and is disarmed. The UberReich is established, consisting of Greater Germany and the Free States of Eastern Europe (the old eastern Europe and sundry states carved out of Russia). Japan is trying to digest its conquests. The Americans are very nervous. Not to worry, I tell them. I’m just a peace loving good little Fuhrer.

PHASE II

Things have gone well but I need some time to digest the conquests and bring things into order. I use my successes as the key to eliminating unreliable elements in the party and making it and the State my instrument of will. I also need some time for my rocket scientists to perfect the ICBM and to develop the Hydrogen bomb.

Naturally I forswear using the A-bomb as a weapon of war. Naturally the Americans do not believe me and mount a crash effort to build their own. I expect them to. I don’t expect them to take the next step and build ICBM’s with H-bomb warheads. Let that be my little surprise for them.

In the mean time I have good reason not to demobilize. Things are noisy in the Eastern European Free States. I form an international army under German leadership to keep order. Their “peacekeeping” role is expanded because of the Arab/Israeli conflicts. As the Protector of Israel I have to intervene. This keeps the pot boiling. I make numerous speeches about loving peace.

Circa 1948 I have my little surprises ready. I call in the Americans and the Japanese and explain the altered strategic circumstances offering, them the choice of dispensing with New York, Washington, Tokyo, and Kyoto or of being participants in a new World Order. It is structured so as to save face; they are distinctly junior partners in the new World Peace Force, which is a world government in all but name. The next couple of years are spent bringing the minor powers into line.

By 1951 I am Evil Over Lord of the entire planet.

Then maybe I can get a date.