Operator, Please

The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre. (Yeah Right, and pigs fly !)

Caller : I’d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please.
Operator : I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Is the spelling correct?
Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator : Woven? Are you sure?
Caller : Yes. That’s what it says on the label – Woven in Scotland.

Caller : I’d like the RSPCA please.
Operator : Where are you calling from?
Caller : The living room

Caller : The water board please.
Operator : Which department?
Caller : Tap water.

Operator : How are you spelling that?
Caller : With letters.

Caller : I’d like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, please.
Operator : Do you have his name?
Caller : No, but he has a dog named Ben.

Caller : The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please.
Operator : You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told the worried operator: “I haven’t got a pen so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on.