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Burn Baby, Burn




All fired up

As I write, the Western US is ablaze, not with the colors of autumn, but rather with the colors of blazes. Currently about two million acres have been torched. For most of us these numbers that the media tosses at us don't mean much. Two million sounds big, but what are we talking about, really?

Let's see. There are 640 acres to the square mile so the tally is about 3000 square miles. That would be an area on the order of 30 miles by 100 miles. To get the sense of that, imagine that the entire coast of Massachusetts went up in flames for thirty mile inland. Boston? Gone. Rockport? Ashport. Gloucester? Lost her.

But wait. As the late night infomercials say, That's not all. The fire season has only begun. As an equivalent picture the coast line of Connecticut also being taken out. If things get really bad, imagine some of New York going too.

What? Someone is saying that it would be better that way, that the wrong part of the country is burning? Fancy that.

On the nonexistence of wombats

The bad news on Wombats is that it can be proved that they do not exist, to wit:

Either Christianity is the true religion or is not. Suppose that it is not. Then we must settle the question of the existence of wombats by reason based on the evidence of our senses. I have never seen a wombat. Ergo, they do not exist. Conversely, suppose that Christianity is the true religion. Then all truth is contained in the Bible (the final authoritative word of God on all subjects.) However the Bible does not mention wombats; hence they do not exist. Q.E.D.

The doctoral candidate

Recently a doctoral candidate in the School of Theology at Our Lady of Incredible Chastity University presented an unusual thesis. When he came before the board of examiners, the only thing he had with him was an emperor penguin. The examiners were somewhat startled and asked him where his thesis was and why he had this penguin with him. He replied that the penguin was his thesis. Even more confused, the examiners asked him to explain. "Oh", he said airily, "this is my magnum opus"

Efficient teaching

There is so much material to cover in today's modern university that the best teachers divide their material into three separate and independent parts. One part is covered in the lectures, one part is covered in the text, and the third part is covered in the finals.


This page was last updated July 1, 2002.
It was reformatted and moved May 15, 2006.

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