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May 2008
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Letters to the editor, May 2008

This a traditional letter column. You are encouraged to write a letter of comment on anything that you find worthy of comment. It will (may) be published in this column along with my reply. As editor I reserve the right to delete material; however I will not alter the undeleted material. E-mail to me that solely references the contents of this site will be assumed to be publishable mail. All other e-mail is assumed to be private. And, of course, anything marked not for publication is not for publication. Oh yes, letters of appreciation for the scholarly resources provided by this site will be handled very discreetly. This page contains the correspondence for May 2008.

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From: Anthony Jackson
Date: 15 April 2008
Subj: http://richardhartersworld.com/~cri/2006/grill.html

Found your page today while searching the web for info on the Binkin family and thought I might be able to provide additional info. A few years back, I was doing research on my grandfather Irving Binkin (1906-1989), who I never met. I came across a website talking about the catalogue of the Grill collection, which led me to Jack Chalker. He was kind enough to point me in the direction of Mark Owings who had worked with Irving on cataloging the collection. Mark was kind of enough to detail everything he remembered about it; I've attached a copy of his email to this message in case it provides any additional useful information to you.

Thanks very much for writing. I see that I shall have to update that page. I think that Jack Chalker embroidered the story a bit when he told me about the Grill collection - either that or my memory insensibly improved it.
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From: Dr. J. Alva Scruggs, BS, MS, MA, EdD
Date: 3 May 2008
Subj: REVEREND WRIGHT'S SPEECH AT THE NAACP DETROIT MEETING WAS EXCELLENT BUT ANY SPEECH WOULD ONLY HURT OBAMA!!

There has been and is nothing that Obama can do to make the white male vote for him for president.

If Obama shows great strength and take strong positions he will be labeled as Too big for his britches or Militant or crazy Ni__er!

If he shows the character of a compromiser/negotiator he will be labeled by Blacks as, An Uncle Tom! and by whites as, milk toasty, weak, Lilly liveried Black, who is unqualified to answer the White House phone at midnight!"

If Obama shows his sensitive famine side, he will be labeled as, Gay, Homosexual and deviant!

If Obama and Michel Jackson got together and shot up on anti skin color drugs he would be called, a monkey loving pedophile!

[... more of the same ...]

All has been explained. Senator Obama is on the skinny side. Now we know why. He is in touch with his famine side.
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From: Peter Neilson
Date: 22 April 2008
Subj: Ending horse slaughter

Dear Mr. Harter (Who Cannot Remember When He Could Not Ride A Horse):

Recent legislation, of which you are likely aware, has ended the meat market that was the ultimate destination of unwanted or unusable horses. If I'm not mistaken there were three major horse slaughterhouses in Illinois and Texas, and all are now closed.

A horseowner of our distant acquaitance recently wrote the following letter, addressed to those who helped end the slaughter.

==========

Dear Gertie Getaclue,

Thank you for your fervent support of the recent laws that were passed in and that effectively ended the closely regulated slaughter of horses in the for human consumption. Due to your and other horse lovers' efforts, the horrid practice has been pushed beyond our borders and out of control of the USDA's standards for humane treatment of food animals. We also appreciate your lobbying to pass the American Horse Slaughter Prevention Act currently in Congress, which will end the transport of surplus and unwanted horses to foreign slaughterhouses and keep each and every one of them alive and well and right here within the borders of our great Nation.

You'll be pleased to learn that the "alive and well" part is where you come in! A new initiative has been created through the cooperative effort of numerous horse industry organizations and the USDA, called "Save Horses In Trouble Help End Abandonment & Death," or SHITHEAD for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, and to alleviate the pressure on existing rescue facilities to take in the thousands of unwanted horses, we have decided to place one unwanted horse in the personal care of each and every person who supported the ban on horse slaughter in the last fall.

As you may know, since the slaughter facilities have closed, not only have rescue facilities and shelters been inundated to the point that they have to close their doors to new arrivals, but many horses have also been neglected, starved to death, or abandoned to make it on their own because of the record high hay and grain prices. Therefore, hear this-- your participation in this program is mandatory.

We understand that it is your feeling that horses are pets, not livestock, and since most people in the United States do not choose to eat them, therefore no one anywhere should, and all horses should live out their lives in an idyllic pastoral setting. We also understand that while your small suburban backyard isn't exactly a Kentucky bluegrass pasture, it will just have to do. We are certain you will make the necessary adjustments.

Your unwanted horse is of unknown origin, but is roughly 6 years old (although we can't get close enough to him to tell for sure), weighs approximately 1500 pounds, and has a mean streak a mile wide. He has been known to randomly bite, strike, or kick, especially at small children, elderly people, and house pets. We have decided to call him "Satan."

While Satan is capable of physical aggression, unfortunately he is not able to be ridden because of his crooked front legs. He is capable, however, of reproducing, as he is a stallion. This is of special import to you, as your next-door neighbors and fellow members of the "Horses Are Humans With Hooves" group will also be provided with horses through our program, some of which might be mares.

For your information, the $20 you donate annually to the Humane Society of the United States can instead buy you approximately two bales of high-quality hay at the current market rate. Assuming that the bales weigh 100 pounds, and you feed 20 pounds to the aforementioned beast per day, this will be enough to feed him for ten days. You will be happy to know that the lifespan of a horse averages about 25 years, and therefore Satan can bring you approximately 9,125 days of enjoyment. That is, of course, only if you provide him with the best care possible, which we are absolutely certain that you will. To insure that Satan is receiving proper care, an inspector will visit your home on a weekly basis.

At your request, we can provide you with contact information for veterinarians, farriers, trainers, equine dental practitioners, whisperers, and tranquilizer gun dealers in your area, as well as the necessary contacts you will need for euthanasia and backhoe operators you will need for disposal of Satan's earthly vessel when he crosses over the bar. We foresee that Satan's death will be especially traumatic for you, being the enlightened individual that you are, and counselors are available at 1-900-NO-SENSE. ($3.99 for the first minute, $1.99 for each additional minute).

Unfortunately, there is no Government financial assistance for care and maintenance costs of SHITHEAD horses, as all of the funds allocated for such things are dedicated to the Bureau of Land Management's Wild Horse program.

Sincerely,
Gene E. Us
Program Director

A worthwhile program indeed. I am sure that the supporters of the ban will each be happy with their horse.

... continued on next rock ...

I forgot to add that the SHITHEAD program as proposed is inadequate, and that each participant will need to adopt one horse per week (or more if desired) in order to ensure good homes for all the horses.

For SHITHEAD members who have no property at all, and live, for instance, in apartments in Boston or Cambridge, I would recommend that each of them purchase or lease a section in North Dakota. Even the Badlands could be used, if sufficient hay and water were piped in from Canada or somewhere. I chose North Dakota rather than South in order to help keep herds of unwanted horses out of the Waterfowl Production Area. Enterprising South Dakotans could manufacture (or import) manure scoops and other necessary implements for sale to SHITHEADs.

Hmmmm. I shall have to notify the Highmore Office of Economic Development of this new opportunity. Incidentally, would you be interested in investing in a Equine Pooper Scooper factory?
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From: Buddy Jaquith
Date: 20 April 2008
Subj: Wine filling stations

I just read with fun your posting from 2006--we are going to be in Tuscany May 14-30, 2008--what do we look for to find the "filling stations"?--Is there a sepcial logo or sign on buildings or any other special posting to identify such a location?

I don't really know but Deborah is sending off a message to her friend in Italy. If we get some definite information we will let you know. My impression is that they is a fairly normal feature in small countryside wine shops. Also, if you are going to be staying in Tuscany you can ask around. If you can, rent a car. We didn't and were sorry we didn't. Driving in the country side is okay - driving in the cities is another matter.

I hope this helps, and I wish you all the best. You should have a wonderful time.

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From: Peter Neilson
Date: 22 April 2008
Subj: Mpls Lakers

In your quiz for people who know everything (somewhere on your bottomless website--you'll know where it is) is the question about the lakes after which the Lost Angeles Lakers were named.

The answer supplied is the Great Lakes, owing to the team having previously been the Minneapolis Lakers.

Well, that's likely not the case. I believe, based on the Strong Authority of both Wikipedia and my memory, that they are named after the 10,000 or so no-so-Great Lakes in Minnesota or perhaps Minnesota's motto, "Land of Ten Thousand Lakes."

If you ever get around to thinking about the possibility of actually starting to make changes to the Quiz, remember that I'd previously suggested other corrections as well, the application of which you haven't.

Are you suggesting that I actually go back and make the corrections? I am shocked, sir, simply shocked. Do you not realize that when I have a slow day in the lettercol I can always count upon someone writing in with an indignant correction.

Oh well, I suppose I shall to do something about it. After all, I wouldn't want to compromise the reputation my site has for meticulous correctness of punctuation and content.

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From: DR SUNDAY IKE
Date: May/1/2008
Subj: ATM INTERNATIONAL CREDIT SETTLEMENT

ATM INTERNATIONAL CREDIT SETTLEMENT
OFFICE OF THE DIRECTOR OF OPERATION
OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENCY
OCEANIC BANK NIGERIA PLC

ATTENTION HONORABLE BENEFICIARY,

THIS IS TO OFFICIALLY INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE VERIFIED YOUR CONTRACT INHERITANCE FILE AND FOUND OUT THAT WHY YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED YOUR PAYMENT IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT FULFILLED THE OBLIGATIONS GIVEN TO YOU IN RESPECT OF YOUR CONTRACT/INHERITANCE PAYMENT.

SECONDLY, WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT YOU ARE STILL DEALING WITH THE NONE OFFICIALS IN THE BANK,ALL YOUR ATTEMPT TO SECURE THE RELEASE OF THE FUND TO YOU. WE WISH TO ADVISE YOU THAT SUCH AN ILLEGAL ACT LIKE THIS HAVE TO STOP IF YOU WISH TO RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT SINCE WE HAVE DECIDED TO BRING A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM. RIGHT NOW WE HAVE ARRANGED YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH OUR SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTER ASIA PACIFIC, THAT IS THE LATEST INSTRUCTION FROM MR. PRESIDENT,UMARU MUSA YAR'ADUA (GCFR) PRESIDENT FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA AND FEDERAL MINISTRY OF FINANCE.

THIS CARD CENTER WILL SEND YOU AN ATM CARD WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IN ANY ATM MACHINE IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD,BUT THE MAXIMUM IS ONE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS PER DAY, SO IF YOU LIKE TO RECIEVE YOUR FUND THIS WAY PLEASE LET US KNOW BY CONTACTING THE CARD PAYMENT CENTER AND ALSO SEND THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION TO HIM IN ORDER TO PROCEED IMMEDIATELY:

  1. FULL NAME
  2. PHONE AND FAX NUMBER
  3. ADDRESS WERE YOU WANT THEM TO SEND THE ATM CARD TO(P.O BOX NOT ACCEPTABLE)
  4. YOUR AGE AND CURRENT OCCUPATION
  5. A COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION
HOWEVER, KINDLY FIND BELOW THE CONTACT PERSON:
MR JAMES BRUCE
DIRECTOR, ATM PAYMENT
DEPARTMENT EMAIL: atm.payment.card101@gmail.com

THE ATM CARD PAYMENT CENTER HAS BEEN MANDATED TO ISSUE OUT ($8,300,000.00) AS PART PAYMENT FOR THIS FISCAL YEAR 2007. ALSO FOR YOUR INFORMATION, YOU HAVE TO STOP ANY FURTHER COMMUNICATION WITH ANY OTHER PERSON(S) OR OFFICE(s) TO AVOID ANY HITCHES IN RECEIVING YOUR ATM PAYMENT.

FOR ORAL DISCUSSION, I CAN BE REACHED ON OR EMAIL ME BACK AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THIS IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR FURTHER DIRECTION AND ALSO UPDATE ME ON ANY DEVELOPMENT FROM THE ABOVE MENTIONED OFFICE.

NOTE THAT BECAUSE OF IMPOSTORS, WE HEREBY ISSUED YOU OUR CODE OF CONDUCT, WHICH IS (ATM-811) SO YOU HAVE TO INDICATE THIS CODE WHEN CONTACTING THE CARD CENTER BY USING IT AS YOUR SUBJECT.

BEST REGARDS,

DR SUNDAY IKE
CHIEF AUDITOR TO THE PRESIDENT
FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA

Does anyone know how this version of the scam works? Since they supposedly are sending you a magic ATM card they shouldn't need your bank info. Do they still ask for it anyway, or are there fees that you have to take care of before you can get your magic card.

A charming option is that when you use the card it gives you cash on the spot from your account and sends the rest of your account off to Nigeria.

Another question that occurs to me is what happened to the lower case letters in Nigeria. Is there some kind of shortage? Come to think on it, I have never known where lower case letters come from - maybe they grow them in letter farms in some out of the way corner of the globe (how can globes have corners) and they are having a fungal infection. That doesn't sound right. Aha. I have it. Lower case letters are more expensive than upper case letters - they're just cutting corners. No, that can't be right either. You use sans serif letters when you cut corners.

Enquiring minds want to know these things.

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This page was last updated May 3, 2008.

Richard Harter's World
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May 2008
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