If Men Ruled the World...
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme."
At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car.
Tanks would be far easier to rent (or lease).
Instead of a beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
Anniversary's and Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur every 4 years!
"Cops" would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops (or to the crooks.)
Two words: Ally McNaked.
The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.
The Super Bowl would be held on a Monday and declared a national holiday!
This page was last updated February 1, 2009.