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The Tech Coed's Masturbation Song

Once upon a time, well into the last century, I hung out in the MIT Science Fiction Society (MITSFS, popularly known as MISFITS) where I absorbed a certain amount of MIT, ahem, culture, including folk songs created by students. In those days female MIT students (tech coeds) were a rare breed, lone pioneers in a male world. Here is a song of feminine survival written by Linda Kalver. To the tune of Union Maid.


There once was a Tech coed who never went to bed,
She tooled and tooled her way through school,
She never lost her maidenhead,
She always studied late, she never had a date.
She said, "I'll survive my sexual drive
Because I masturbate.
      Oh, you can't make me, I need no man, sir
      Don't cream your pants, sir, I've found the answer,
      Oh, you can't make me, I use my hand, sir,
      I've got my education in my hands."

This Tech coed was wise to the Tech and Harvard guys,
She couldn't be fooled by a prestige school,
She saw through all their lines and lies
She always got her way when she told them, Not today,
'Cause a guy understands a kick in the pants
And she didn't have to say:
      "Oh, you can't make me, I won't be fooled, sir,
      I go to school, sir, I have to tool, sir,
      You can't make me, I use a slide rule, sir
      And I must stick with the golden rule.

You gals who want to be free, just take a tip from me,
Learn how it's done and have your fun
And never lose your virginity,
And when temptation calls in ivy-covered halls,
Don't be snowed, just answer, No,
Kick the bastard in the balls.
      Oh, you can't make me, I won't be laid, sir,
      I'm not afraid, sir, but I won't be made, sir,
      Oh, you can't make me, I need no aid, sir,
      I'm a self-educated Tech coed."


This page was last updated January 1, 2006.

Richard Harter's World
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January 2006
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Hyde County, South Dakota is the Pin Tail Duck Capital of the world. Visit scenic Highmore, SD in 2006!