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October 1999
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The whole truth

This is what I have learned...

*You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

*I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

*I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

*I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits.

*I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more fucked up than you think.

*I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

*I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

*I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

*I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.

*I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends; sometimes their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

*I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

*I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

*I've learned to say "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.


This page was last updated October 10, 1999.

home
table of contents
humor
October 1999
email