Is there a fourth of July in England?
Yes, it comes after the third of July!

How many birthdays does the average man have?
1, Just one!

Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?
12, all of them!

How many outs are there in an inning?
6, three per side!

Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister?
No - because he is dead!

70, (30 divided by 1/2 equals 60!)

If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?
2, you took them, remember?

A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How many minutes would the pills last?
60, Start with the 1st pill, 30 minutes later take the 2nd, then 30 minutes for the 3rd.

A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left?
9, (If 8 out of 17 die, all but 9 die, eh?)

How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?
None. It was Noah who took animals on the ark.

A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10'' tall. What does he weigh?
Meat, a butcher weighs meat!

How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen?
12, There are 12 2cent stamps in a dozen!