Engineering Project Managerment Explained

Ours is the age of the high tech engineering marvels, produced by reams of brilliant engineers slaving away in the back rooms of corporate America. Between the engineers and upper management stand the Engineering Managers, bilingual translators between engineerese and executiveese. For your edification here is a phrase book which gives you a translation from one language to another.

A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED
We are still pissing in the wind.

EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM
We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION
We know who to blame.

MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH
It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.

CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED
We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.

PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE
The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING
We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.

THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED
The only person who understood the thing quit.

IT IS IN THE PROCESS
It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.

WE WILL LOOK INTO IT
Forget it! We have enough problems for now.

PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL
Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.

GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING
We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.

GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION
I can't wait to hear this bull!

SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS
Come into my office, I'm lonely.

ALL NEW
Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.

RUGGED
Too damn heavy to lift!

LIGHTWEIGHT
Lighter than RUGGED.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT
One finally worked.

ENERGY SAVING
Achieved when the power switch is off.

LOW MAINTENANCE
Impossible to fix if broken.